The Rip in My Stocking: Modern Women @ Work

Going Soft

Working in a male-dominated world like the resources industry, it can be a challenge to retain your more feminine attributes.

Just the other day I had a minor disagreement with one of my fellow colleagues when I referred to some of the work we were doing as improving ’soft skills.’ She looked at me with disgust and said, “Don’t call them that! They’re not soft!”

A bit surprised, I attempted to explain that it was just the way I differentiated skills like communicating effectively and managing change from more technical skills, like blowing holes in the ground or tipping rock into ships. But she was having none of it.

“If you call them soft,” she explained, “everyone will dismiss them as ‘girly’ skills.”

That set me back on my high heels.

Not because people might view the very important work I do as less important than advancing technical skills, but because of my colleague’s own connection between softness and women and the obvious lack of relevance she believed that either had in the workplace.

A few days later this realisation was at the forefront of my mind when the Internal Communications department put up their posters announcing an internal review of existing business processes. The poster drew some cynical remarks from my female colleagues and I went to check it out (conveniently placed on the back of the female toilet.)

The photo was of a beautiful blonde, fresh-faced and full of enthusiasm, beaming down at us from behind safety goggles and a hardhat. Unlike other advertisements that draw the ire of women because of the scantily clad models, this one was being lampooned because of the girl’s obvious passion for her job, and the very stylish way in which she wore her High Visibility safety jacket.

The comments from my colleagues tended towards asking:

• Where did they get her from?
• Think she was waiting out the front of the building for a bus?
• More likely on her way home from the day spa, surely?
• What’s she got to smile about?
• Are they trying to torture us?
• Who are they kidding?
• How come they didn’t come down here and take my photo – think the black circles under my eyes and the fact I haven’t had time to wash my hair in a week wasn’t photogenic enough?
• What does the Internal Communication Department do anyway?

Demoralised, I added concealer and a hat and sat down to consider why my usually focussed, productive colleagues were so disturbed by the poster.

What’s all of the fuss?

I started off with some very philosophical meanderings about the identity of the modern woman, the frustrations of the ever-present glass ceiling, the subconscious conflict between office and home, the guilt of the female breadwinner… but I decided that things were simpler than that.

It was a matter of betrayal.

The keen, young girl was just another pressure to add to my colleagues’ day. After all, she was the perfect “material” girl of the outside world, where looks and youth and style determine your place in the pecking order. To see her in the professional realm and being placed on a pedestal for all to emulate made a mockery of what they believed should be the criteria for success in the workplace: intelligence, dedication, productivity and so on.

As one woman bluntly put it, “As if things aren’t hard enough as it is without us having to look at Barbie every time we go for a pee!”

But what pressures are they talking about, I hear you ask. Everyone is on the same salary now, working through the same weekends, using the same company gym and working away in the same open-plan office smelling each other’s socks… aren’t they?

Being a research fanatic, a glance at the Australian Bureau of Statistics told me:

• Women in major urban areas are less likely to be self-employed that their rural sisters
• 19% of Australian companies have no female Executive Manager
• There is a 5% wage gap between men and women in Australia, but a 20% gap between the earnings of female and male Managers
• Only 5 of Australia’s top 200 companies have a female CEO

So was it still all about the glass ceiling and pink dollars for girls and blue dollars for boys?

I discussed the above stats with my colleagues, but what they really wanted to talk about was what one of them called “the rip in my stocking”.

The Rip in My Stocking Explained

She described the “rip in my stocking” as issues that she knew were there, that were annoying or embarrassing, but ultimately problems she just accepted, hoping that they didn’t end up exposing her from toe to crotch.

So here’s a summary of the “rips” she and others shared with me:

• Proving that they ‘fit in’ to the culture, without having to drink themselves stupid at the sundowner or laugh at blonde jokes,
• Proving they are passionate about a viewpoint, without being asked if they are about to burst into tears,
• Clarifying that the report that took eighty hours to create is actually their work and not their supervisor’s, (even though he’s been in hospital the whole time),
• Leaving conflicts at the office and not taking them out on the innocent partner at home,
• Balancing on the thin line between wearing clothing that is attractive versus clothing that is alluring (i.e. a-leer-ing),
• Being penalised or promoted because of a ‘masculine’ professional profile (this can be read as either cold and aloof or as direct and focussed),
• Infiltrating the ‘old boy’ network, so that contacts can lead to work, especially if all of the men in their field are busy,
• Convincing prospective employers that being ‘thirtysomething’ doesn’t translate to ‘bitter and alone’ or ‘soon to be pregnant and requiring paid maternity leave’.

So what do we do about it?

My answer (not to everything, given that chicken soup is also a good remedy) is to go back to our “soft skills”. I believe that promoting and rewarding the use of basic, positive, people-focused systems and behaviours will do more to change a business culture than all of the Walkathons or Casual Fridays ever held…

Here’s a quick list:

1. Get people to communicate more (not via more email or meetings)
2. Promote and manage change
3. Encourage critical thinking
4. Build structured mentoring programs
5. Teach people to effectively review their own and other people’s performance
6. Develop a networking system (both internal and external)
7. Teach people effective goal-setting and time-management skills

Simone.

PS 1. The alternative, as described by my Barbie-hating colleague, is to wait until the old-boy network dies off and then see how things shake out!

PS 2. If you think I’m perhaps exaggerating the gender-divided culture in the modern workplace, consider the following: what was the first question I was asked when thirteen male trainees arrived in a workshop where I was about to give a presentation? Answer: Can you get us a coffee, love?

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