Tag Archive

I’ve never met a woman who isn’t an energetic shopper.

Even when she doesn’t actively enjoy shopping, the modern woman still tackles it with energy and purpose.

Five minutes to closing?

Not a problem. I have my list and I’m prepared to run.

More women in the store than corn stalks in Kansas?

Bring it on. Yoga has made me limber and my discount radar is on high alert.

And yet few of us tackle our daily mindset with equal confidence or determination.

“Bad days,” many of us seem to believe, are unavoidable.

Feeling negative about ourselves and our choices is viewed as part of the pressure of modern life.

But aren’t the good days about as subjective as the shop assistant who smells a sale in the air?

Is negative thinking really as unavoidable as death and (sales) taxes?

The Great Depression

I remember being told once that negativity is natural. Supposedly the ability to focus on what might go wrong is a means to help us with danger.

From a historical perspective, when we were lingering in the mouth of the cave, wondering if its a good time to go out for a pee, thinking negative thoughts about
lurking predators, mislaid wooden clubs and the potential for frostbite on our exposed parts probably saved the human race.

But what about negativity now?

Negative thinking is obviously no longer necessary for our survival.

And yet, studies in the United Kingdom suggest that one out of three women between the ages of 18 and 23 have significant symptoms of depression.

Ranked as the number one mental illness in the world by the World Health Organization, depression affects twice as many women as men.

And while we all think negative thoughts from time to time, more of us are finding it difficult to move past such thinking, repeating our feelings of failure and
worthlessness over and over.

So why are so many young women caught in a negative cycle?

Research findings suggest that it is due to a trio of terrible traits: low self-esteem, a tendency towards pessimism and poor resilience to life’s challenges.

Failed romances, family disharmony, poor support structures and little sign of achievement or success at work are all triggers for negative thinking.

Sound like your life - and that of every women you know?

Then how do we get out of a depressive rut that so many of us seem to have fallen into?

The Bright Side of Life

There are no quick fixes for depression and medical experts will counsel strongly against remedies that promise simple solutions.

But intervention is viewed as a realistic way to aid those suffering from depression.

Helping people recognize that they are thinking negatively is one of the first steps, complemented by a focus on understanding that negativity is a habit that they can change.

In fact, feeling positive, mental health experts tell us, is not a characteristic, but a skill we can develop and train.

The reality is that many of us only feel positive when things are going our way.

Reaching our goal weight, making a new friend or getting a raise creates a natural feeling of well-being.

But what is far more valuable is the ability to feel positive even if the sale turns out to be stock not worthy of a reject bin or the new acquaintance reveals herself to be only a fair-weather friend.

Positive Outfit Inspiration

As many people mistakenly arrive at this site expecting to find suggestions for the perfect first-date dress or the killer outfit that will ensure they ace an interview, it is appropriate that the positive thinking strategies reflect a fashionable flavour.

So here are seven fashionable ways to feel positive:

1. Put on Your Glad Rags

Before you leave the house, actively “put on” your positive mindset. Treat it as a part of your morning routine, as essential as your wake-up coffee or a matching pair of shoes.

The first time negativity threatens - you miss your bus or the photocopier goes on strike - activate your positive mindset.

Another bus is on its way. You can use the photocopier on the next floor.

It should become as much of a reflex as putting up your umbrella when it starts to rain.

2. Ignore the 50% off Sale

You don’t need a paper shredder, just because it is half price. You don’t have to have the new “it” bag simply because it tells you so in a magazine.

These statements are blindingly obvious, but we don’t always apply the same sense of perspective to the events in our life.

Someone or something telling you that you are not smart enough, rich enough, beautiful enough or thin enough?

Put your chin in the air and walk right on by.

3. Get a Multi-dimensional Mirror

Negative thinking can be a difficult spiral to escape from, blinkering you from the good things in life. Change your perspective by looking at your world from a different perspective.

An uninspiring job staring you in the face?

Then check out the rear view - Do you come home to a bustling, happy home life?

If you simply cannot bear to look over your shoulder, ask a friend for their view of your world and get some objective feedback to help you see things more clearly.

4. Change the Label

Just because someone tells you they are authentic pair of Jimmy Choos, doesn’t make it so.

Similarly, if you label your current project a failure or your emotionally undeveloped partner tells you you are no fun anymore, this is only one interpretation of reality.

Tell yourself that you are beautiful, that your business is going to be a success, that your relationship is supportive…

Even if you have to work hard to make the label stick, you will have a far better chance of success if you approach the job with a positive mindset.

5. Clean Out your Closet

We often surround ourselves with both the physical and mental evidence of our “failures”.

Keeping old love letters, bad performance reviews or unpleasant text messages rarely spurs us to greater things, but more often roots us in the unhappy past.

Recognise that reading something twice won’t change its content. Instead, bin those negative reminders and schedule regular reviews of what you have to be grateful for.

6. Forget What you are Wearing

Have you ever stressed over an outfit for a big event, worrying over every little detail, only to forget completely about what you are wearing the moment you arrive?

We are most likely to achieve happiness when it is completely off the agenda – when we flow in the moment…

That flow – and the happiness that comes with it – often occurs when we move the focus from the internal (I’m not thin enough) to the external (I’m having so much fun with my friends.)

Perhaps you can’t change your dress size or finish the degree you’ve been working at for years, but you can change your mindset immediately.

Your memories of today will be all the better for it.

7. Ignore the Style Police

A sense of well-being depends on not just the the ability to impress others, but on impressing ourselves.

If someone has judged you harshly and found you wanting, take responsibility for counter-balancing their criticism with some positive thinking.

And remember that one of the most effective ways of feeling good about yourself is by sticking to and reaching your goals, so take a moment to work out what you would most like to achieve, then plot a positive, realistic course towards success.

Over at Pick the Brain, I began reading the post “7 Rules For a Life Worth Living” with great hesitation.

Would the list lecture me on my insecurities and obsessions that clearly were a waste of time - and potentially life?

I anxiously scanned the list, my scroll bar leaping up and down the page like a polygraph needle.

Could I treat them as guidelines - given my inclination to bend rules where possible - and still be within the parameters for a worthy life?

I felt a surge of satisfaction as I ticked off the sorts of things I either possessed or was working towards: self-belief, a sense of responsibility and a clear value system…

But the seventh rule seemed to have been written to complement my precise state of mind at the time of reading:

“Want to know what your purpose in life is? Simple. Hold your hands in front of you. Now look at them. There is your purpose and means to do it.

Purpose is your ability to take the creative energies you have and communicating them with the world.”

Undoubtedly my state of awareness was heightened, my head space connected to The Brain’s viewpoint by the story I had just left, slowly, with lingering backward glances.

For I had just put down a book that had drawn me in and consumed me in a single sitting, leaving me, as I closed the cover, looking at my immediate surroundings as if through a magnifying glass.

Let me take you for a moment Beyond the Red Door…

Do You See What I See?

I am a fussy reader. Rarely do I find a book that not only sweeps me up in the language and imagery, but also keeps me firmly rooted in my own reality. Put simply, rarely do I find reads relevant.

But the world bursting from Janet Shaw’s book, Beyond the Red Door, was so similar - and yet so different - to my own experiences that the common threads stood out like black ink on white paper.

She caught me from the first page in a swirl of memories.

Similar in age, born in the same city and a traveller of the same streets, this sense of familiarity was not unexpected.

I could taste the school lunches on sun-baked ovals, could hear the sibling games and spats in the long drive Down South and could feel the same apprehension upon first settling into a sleeping bag under the Southern Cross.

But what I couldn’t share was Janet’s gradual, painful and completely inspiring loss of sight.

I will not go into the details of Janet’s struggles and triumphs - they are hers to share with you. And do not think for a moment that it is the struggles that define her. Having been lucky enough to recently come to know her in person, she radiates a willingness to step up and meet life that is unique.

But I will share one quote from the book that, while written as a suggestion, will be a rule I will commit to:

“…maybe we all need to close our eyes at times and experience the real human being inside ourselves and others.”

Memories and Insights

A good autobiography should give you more than just a window into the world of its subject. It should reflect and renew the reader’s own thoughts and experiences.

Janet’s life has had challenges and achievements that surpassed most, her “gold medal” spirit taking her from the lows of illness and depression to the heights of world-class athletics and self-acceptance.

Yet what I admire most about Janet is her ability to share. She is honest, she is self-aware, but what I appreciated most about her autobiography is that through the generosity of her writing, she held a mirror up to my own life.

She gave colour and texture to half-remembered memories:

Her grandmother seemed a soul sister of my own, her love of words and animals and school days might have been plucked from my own childhood and her adolescent isolation appeared just another dark tunnel running in parallel to mine.

I have yet to experience either the highs or lows of Janet’s life, but the the road ahead of me seems brighter and clearer for having ventured beyond the red door with her.

I look forward to hopefully being a first-hand spectator and supporter to the next exciting chapter of her life.

Get a copy of Janet’s autobiography and join in the great conversations on her blog!