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Creating a Comfort Zone: The Art of Putting Others at Ease

Scavenger sign

sofa ease pic
My Nanna lived in the comfort zone.

Taking a seat at her kitchen table was like sliding into a deck chair. A simple bit of furniture, it was where she played cards, drank wine and conquered crossword puzzles.

But most of all it was where she created an environment of ease.

What I remember most from sitting at that table were the faces gathered around it. Different ages, different personalities, but all comfortable, for the moment at least, in the space they found themselves in.

Have you had the pleasure of such a place, where you find yourself sinking into a state that seems almost disconnected from your real life?

At the centre of it, no doubt, was a force like my Nanna, for a true comfort zone is not the place you go alone, but the space in which another accepts you unconditionally.

The Skin You’re In

Putting others at ease is not something we are encouraged to do.

In a world of competition and self-promotion, where sitting at tables is becoming rare and the focus on self is all-encompassing, few people see the need for creating a comfort zone for others.

Keeping people on their toes tends to occupy our time. With enemies kept in pockets and friends tucked away in mobiles, the idea of making others comfortable seems unattractively pedestrian.

Where’s the excitement of the game-play, the rush of the repartee?

Striving higher and harder and faster, the emphasis is often on the opposite of comfort.

Shake things up.

Challenge yourself.

Go out on a limb.

Push yourself to the limit.

See what you are made of.

For many, change signifies progress and to be still is to stagnate.

Perhaps one of the downsides of our commitment to continuous improvement is that if we live by the premise that everyone can and should improve, how can we also convey the message that we accept people just as they are?

Just the Way You Are

A traditional woman, my Nanna never learned to drive.

She had old-fashioned views on most things, and was politically conservative and cautious with money.

But her strong opinions never erected a barrier between herself and another at her table. In fact, her circle of friends consisted of vastly different people.

I often wondered what they had in common, these people who came and went through her kitchen. What I remember most is the noise: laughter and yelling, waving hands crafting enormous tales of love and luck.

My mum finally put it into words.

It was my Nanna’s gift, the ability to invite people in and share a comfortable space with them.

Perhaps it is important to our development and evolution that we forever try to outgrow our skin, but I still miss those days around her hectic kitchen table, comfortable for a while in a space of easy acceptance.

8 Ways to Holiday Every Day

Feet on beach pic

George Bernard Shaw said that “a perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell”, but having reached the one week mark since my return from paradise on earth, I am not so sure I agree…

I know that human beings are adaptable creatures, but at the moment it is a challenge to settle back into real life…

far from the kiss of surf on sand and the sight of plump vines stretched in sun-drenched splendour.

But before I lose myself - and my readers - amongst the flowery phrases, lets get real.

Only those with the budget of an heiress can actually spend every day beachcombing, drinking bubbles and bathing in warm waters.

Instead we need to capture the essence of what it means to “holiday”.

For me, a holiday is about living in the moment, released from routine and restriction.

Therefore, a holiday, by its definition, cannot occur every day…

but the holiday spirit is as free and attainable as the complimentary bath salts.

So if you are also keen to harness the holiday mood every day, pick and choose what you like from the buffet below:

1. Make Friends from Strangers

I have been on a mission of late to make more friends. This includes moving from a nodding acquaintance to bus-ride banter with my neighbours and rekindling friendships will people from my past.

Making friends is a challenge, but on holiday the process is helped along by the general feeling of goodwill and relaxation (and often a few cocktails by the pool!)

To recreate the holiday mood at home, begin by selecting one person from the “stranger” pile and actively move them into your friendship ring. A cup of coffee, a walk around the park or a trip to the movies are effective ways to share the holiday spirit with a new friend.

2. Get Back to Nature

Pool view pic

Water is the most wonderful element.

Perhaps I am biased, given that Australia is the largest island in the world, but when I go in search of beauty and relaxation, I naturally gravitate towards the river or the ocean.

While I’m also a devotee of city-breaks in the shopping capitals of the world, nothing quite matches the clean, open spaces of the deep blue.

To bring a bit of nature back into the busy, modern world, surround yourself with water. Swim, bathe, shower or spa - my motto is to take it any way you can get it!

3. Frame the Moment

Dorothea Lange, the American documentary photographer, said that “Photography takes an instant out of time, altering life by holding it still.”

I think that the instant out of time can be revisited again and again, as a stimulus to remembered sensation and emotion.

To create a perpetual holiday feeling, get into the habit of taking your camera with you on ordinary outings.

Develop a happy-snapper’s eye for finding something to admire in your everyday world and capture it.

4. Teach Someone Something

One of the best ways to step out of your “everyday life” is to pass on your knowledge and skill to someone who shares your passion.

While strolling along the white sands of Bunker Bay, I happened to look back and see a young boy catch his first wave to the beach.

His arms were lifted in victory, but what caught my attention was the man swimming furiously towards the shore behind him, swallowing half of the southern oceans as he called out his praise to his son.

The mutual pleasure and love was palpable and in teaching his son to surf, this holiday would be imprinted upon their memories forever.

5. Create Some Rituals

Sok on rocks pic

Rituals and routines are very different things.

My husband and I are structured beings at heart, so even on holiday we like to develop some regular behaviours.

On the first morning of our holiday we discovered a cove of smooth rocks, blue pools and white strips of sand at the far end of the beach (see right). It became our private piece of paradise that we visited every day.

But the reality is that in returning to the real world, our time is often not our own. My advice is to wrestle some of it back and devote it to a ritual you enjoy.

Coffee on the verandah together or a moonlit walk can keep the holiday feeling alive.

6. Pamper Your Pointy Bits

I take my stress out on my fingers and feet. I tend to pick at my nails when nervous and pound my feet on the treadmill when frustrated.

But when holidaying in the sun the pointy bits come into their own. Running your fingers through sun-streaked water and digging your toes into talcum-fine sand is a pleasure I find hard to beat.

Try replicating this sensation at home. Even if you live far from the beach and cannot afford to splurge on a day spa, you can still create your own tactile paradise.

My sisters and I often indulge in “spa days” at home and we recently introduced a foot massaging spa to our ritual. Close your eyes and the whir of the machine sounds remarkable like the lap of the Indian Ocean…

7. Get Some Knuckles into Your Muscles

While I’m not too sure about some of the rocks and wraps used in spa treatments, I’m a true believer of the power of massage.

One of the great things about a massage is that it is not reliant upon the weather - it is a holiday in any hemisphere.

In terms of real benefits, a good quality massage oil and the expert hands of a massage therapist can increase circulation, strengthen your immune system and release muscle tension.

If you’re not keen on putting yourself into the hands of a stranger, take a massage course with your partner.

The investment will be worth it!

8. Take a Piece of Holiday Home

Shells pic

You obviously have to be sensible about what you can take home with you - some things are off-limits because they are protected, quarantined or simply too expensive.

Those barriers aside, I always try to find a symbol of my holiday on the beach - a shell, a piece of cuttlefish or a sea-smooth rock that can be absorbed into my home life,

Along with the tang of the ocean they carry with them the mystery of unchartered waters - the perfect embodiment of the holiday spirit.

Another wonderful reminder is to get creative with your happy snaps.

If this is too difficult, then load your favourite holiday picture onto your computer and make it your screen saver.

It will have you smiling every time your mind wanders at work.

My aim is obviously to bring the “holiday me” and the “work me” into closer alignment.

Simply writing this post has helped the morphing process, but please share your favourite tips or techniques to bring a bit of holiday into every day life!

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