Tag Archive

My mum once told me there are two ingredients to the perfect house guest: they don’t create work for you and they don’t cost you money.

At the time I was tending house for a menagerie of house guests - but as they were half-naked, plastic and mute, the lesson went straight over my head.

The tea party I was throwing for the inhabitants of my doll’s house ate off empty plates and were left, when I eventually grew bored, in a pile in the corner by the cardboard oven.

Rather than being overly needy, they took my immature hostess skills with good grace, given that more than one head had become separated from their body before the second course.

Ah, the carelessness of youth!

And yet in the real world of festive family holidays, the pressures, costs and commitments of Christmas can cause goodwill to dry up quicker than over-cooked turkey.

So as family, friends and vague acquaintances from far-flung places gather around the Christmas table, there are some rules than can be agreed upon to sustain the Bing Crosby atmosphere.

1. Don’t Try to Tell the Man with the Knife in His Hand How to Carve the Turkey

In most parts of the world the male head of the house no longer has the responsibility of going out and shooting the turkey. Forced to wear a festive paper hat and to sing along to carols sung by pre-pubescent boy choirs, his masculinity may be a little worn out by the time it comes to carving the bird. Ponder the hard trek made by the three wise men through the desert to the first official Christmas and let him retreat to the kitchen to spend an inordinate amount of time sharpening his good knives.

2. Don’t Put on a Santa Suit and Lose all your Inhibitions

Some of the Santas I have encountered strike me as close cousins to the clown characters from horror films. Certainly in my part of the world polyester red suits can induce heat-stroke before the second “ho” and perhaps this is the reason for the melting of inhibitions. Just remember if it is your turn to don the beard and boots that we all actually remember who you really are inside the fat suit - and pinching and lewd comments are best left in your sack.

3. Don’t Eat the Plastic Fruit (or Drink the Water from the Finger Bowls)

Not everything on the table is for eating. If you can’t tell the difference between the Christmas dinner and the centrepiece, stick to what is physically on your plate. And just because the hostess and her three sisters all fought over who was doing dessert, does not mean you need to sample each of their offerings.

4. Don’t Let the Cook Pull on the Rubber Gloves

This is a universal rule that should not be confined to Christmas. Remember that it is a shared holiday, which means everyone should have some down time. If the hostess is breathing like a whipped reindeer before the second course, roll up your sleeves and lend a hand.

5. Don’t Discuss New Years Resolutions - Especially While You Light Up a Cigarette and Lick the Egg Nog Bowl

Christmas Resolutions are about as meaningful as the jokes that come with the paper hats, particularly if you are in the process of indulging in a fair few of the Deadly Sins. And as you look back over the year, indulging in a bit of “coulda shoulda woulda” over the egg nog can also put a bit of a dampener on the festivities, so keep things light and positive. You’ve got all of January to wallow in your insecurities!

REMEMBER to take up the Christmas Scavenger Hunt Challenge and win yourself an iPod for Christmas!

What is the first thing you do when you meet someone new?

Smile with a good dose of positive eye contact? Clutch their hand in a firm but friendly handshake? Blow air-kisses at their cheeks while making loud smacking noises?

The landscape of social interaction is changing.

In the past, people were required to make physical contact, or at the least to enter the personal space of another, to introduce themselves.

But as the online world continues to morph and grow, the opportunities for meeting people and developing social connections are also expanding.

A Stranger in a Strange Land

This is no greater evidence of this than in the blogosphere. This thriving virtual meeting place seems almost limitless in terms of its scope and potential.

In this place of over 107 million blogs, you can chat, debate, vote, buy, sell, read, write and review.

Your presence here has little to do with the space you occupy in the real world and everything to do with the way you relate to other people online.

But for all of its enormous potential, the blogosphere can still inspire loneliness.

It is never more daunting than in those moments when you first venture into this realm.

This is very much like disembarking a plane in a foreign land. There is a new language to master, unfamiliar rules to adhere to and customs and expectations to acknowledge and explore.

How can you make yourself seen and heard in such a crowded, complex and often confusing place?

The People That You Meet

I disagree with the belief that life is just a set of random encounters. I think we search, either knowingly or subconsciously, for the things we need.

When you first entered the blogosphere you probably had a purpose, although it may not have been fully defined. Certainly upon spending a little time here you would have discovered alleys and trails you had not planned on venturing down. But after your first few visits you no doubt began to identify your niche.

When I first arrived I took greatest delight in encountering the following sub-communities: Women, Writers, Teachers, Personal Development Promoters, Humorists, Business Coaches, Entrepreneurs, and Fellow Australians.

My “niche” became all of the places where I felt comfortable and able to contribute.

But the opportunity to venture beyond your comfort zone is tantalising. After all, we don’t travel to new places to simply spend all our time amongst the familiar.

As a result I have become a firm fan of many different voices in the blogosphere, from technology experts to political activists to inspired photographers. Through these influences I have discovered that the geese are flying south in North Central Ohio and that many bloggers have an almost unhealthy obsession with correct punctuation.

Yet as I look back on one of the most fascinating landscapes I have ever explored, I am reminded of how daunting it was as a newcomer.

And so I advise any newcomers who have stumbled upon this post that introducing yourself to the inhabitants of this land is not as difficult as it first seems - and, if done correctly, can be the beginning of some of the best relationships you will ever enjoy.

The Etiquette of an Introduction

The great lady of etiquette, Emily Post, describes in detail the now largely forgotten rules of a correct introduction in her book “Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics and at Home” ( New York: Funk & Wagnalls, 1922.)

She makes such comments as:

• No lady is ever, except to the President of the United States, a cardinal, or a reigning sovereign, presented to a man.
• The unmarried lady is presented to the married one, unless the latter is very much the younger.
• To pick out a particular person as “my friend” is not only bad style but, unless you have only one friend, bad manners.
• No thoroughbred lady would ever refuse to shake any hand that is honorable, not even the hand of a coal heaver at the risk of her fresh white glove.
• An introduction by letter is far more binding than a casual spoken introduction which commits you to nothing.
• Saccharine chirpings should be classed with crooked little fingers, high hand-shaking and other affectations. All affectations are bad form.
• The hostess who allows a guest to stand, awkward and unknown, in the middle of her drawing-room is no worse than she who pounces on every chance acquaintance and drags unwilling victims into forced recognition of each other, everywhere and on all occasions.

While many of the customs and expectations at the heart of Emily Post’s world have become redundant in modern life, there are still some key attributes of correct introductions that apply today:

1. Be genuine
2. Be courteous
3. Be interested
4. Have something to say
5. Follow up on all responses

Getting Your Introductions Right

One of the most attractive characteristics of the blogosphere is that contact with the iconic personalities that inhabit it is far easier than in the “real” world. Forget security fences, personal assistants and unlisted phone numbers. Blogging giants like Problogger, Copyblogger, Seth Godin, Chris G and so on, are often only a forum entry, email or comment box away.

Yet while some of the restrictions of first meetings are relaxed, this doesn’t mean that the core requirements behind successful introductions are irrelevant in the blogosphere.

Use the following suggestions as a simple guide to being a memorable and attractive new member of the blogosphere landscape:

Assume Others Don’t Know What You Know

How many times have you been introduced to someone only to find them suddenly talking a mile a minute, off on a tangent that only they understand the significance of?

There are no shortcuts to relationship-building. You need to lay the foundations by being clear about who you are, what you are about and what you hope to achieve through the new relationship.

Obviously you don’t want to come across as patronising, so be careful how you communicate this information and look for the written cues that show you are both on the same page.

Only Use Terminology You All Understand

One of the most effective ways of emphasising the difference between you and potential contacts is to use terminology that they do not understand. Avoid acronyms in particular - in this context they are lazy and very rarely universal.

You may feel inclined to “show off” your knowledge or expertise, but by flaunting all the big words in your arsenal, you tend to look like the attention-seeking child at a party for adults!

Find Common Ground

An introduction is about both you and your new contact. Be gracious in recognising the things you have in common, rather than hogging the spotlight.

Do your research so you can identify common interests and be prepared to talk knowledgeably - and honestly - about them. If you suddenly find yourself transfixed by digital photography simply to get closer to Problogger, you are doing both of you a disservice - and no doubt you will eventually be caught out.

Don’t be Driven by a Personal Agenda

There is nothing more off-putting than an obvious personal agenda.

Relationships should have benefits for both parties, but to expect something in return for a simple introduction is unrealistic. It is normal to want to tap into someone’s knowledge or influence or to gain new friends and community members, but when the motive crosses into the realm of using them for our own gain, the relationship is unhealthy and unlikely to develop.

Sending prominent bloggers a blatant sales pitch, for example, can be insulting and in most cases will be a waste of both of your time - or as long as it takes them to scan and press delete. Instead, use honest, engaging forms of communication. This may seem a fine line, but it is one to be aware of.

Be Prepared to Repeat Yourself

Be aware that your introduction may be just one in many. Patience is essential, particularly if you have chosen to introduce yourself an influential blogger. Simply repeating the same introduction will probably get you the same result, so try another tact.

If you don’t get a response to an email, engage with others in forums or take the time to subscribe, read and comment on their posts. Relationship-building is a time consuming business, but the effort you put in is usually rewarded in full.

“You may admire a girl’s curves on the first introduction, but the second meeting shows up new angles.” Mae West