Six Tricks to Beat the Network Nerves

September 13th, 2007 by Simone

Woman in net pic

I recently took part in the How to Have More Social Success first Social Skills Blog Carnival, submitting my views on How to Be Remembered When the Lights Go Out.

In my typical fashion I tried to look at a common challenge we face - being memorable, making friends, etc - in a light-hearted way, because my one commitment in blogging is to not make anything feel too much like "work".

Which brings me to the issue of networking.

The very word conjures up pictures of crusty old codgers at the break of day, working hard to cast their fishing nets out into cold dark waters… Or at least it does for me!

It also conjures up very real and recent images of my own foray into networking. Having joined a network in my community consisting of local business people from a range of industries, I have first-hand experience of how difficult - yet rewarding - networking can be.

Why Do It To Yourself?

I have a friend who would rather tackle the bulls at Pamplona that enter a room filled with networkers.

What she’s missing is the benefits of effective, structured networking.

While a lot of networks fall into one of three categories: “the love fest”, “pocket plunderers” or “excuse for drinks at ten AM”, a network that is bound by common goals and consists of structured, interesting engagements can be really rewarding.

The other benefits of a network are :

Friendship - this is a great way to meet like-minded people safely and quickly. You don’t have to explain your reason for being there beyond the obvious and the weirdos have usually already been weeded out!
Sharing of different skills & knowledge - we all tend to cycle through our own little worlds, made up of people who have had similar experiences to our own. Networking can brings together people with vastly different backgrounds and can expose us to new and interesting ways of thinking. If this is of interest to you, look for a network that offers guest speakers.
Notification of issues of mutual interest - a well-run network should have a communication process that keeps you in touch with the group between events. This might include a potential business opportunity, a sale a networker is promoting or a future conference in your area of interest.
Supporting you and being a sounding board - especially in the early days of a business, getting productive, supportive feedback can be difficult. A network is often a good place to look for a business mentor. Similarly, if you are new in town, a social network is a good way to introduce you to what your new home has to offer.
Opening doors - a network can lubricate the often arduous process of becoming known and accepted in a new industry or community. Recommendations and references from your network can be business gold.

So the benefits are clear. But of course like anything we value and really want to do well, the pressure is only more intense…

Cue the Network Nerves

Another contributor to the Social Skills Blog Carnival, Edith Yeung, presented “The 7 Rules of Networking Made Easy” and as a reformed “shy person” she offers great insights into succeeding at networking.

It’s worth consciously putting her tips into practice, because after all, networking can be intimidating stuff.

Not only do you want people to like you, but you also need to be able to contribute something tangible to the group. It’s no good just standing in the corner and waiting for someone to come up and beg for your business card. As in all good relationship-building, you need to get out amongst it and connect on a personal level with your fellow networkers.

And to be memorable once the party has broken up, you need to ensure you follow up on all of your new contacts. While this isn’t as bad as “cold calling”, we’ve probably all suffered from a case of the bats in the belly at the thought of making that first, follow up contact with a near stranger.

As a result, network nerves can have their way with you.

Six Tricks to Network Nirvana

Let’s face it, most people who venture into the world of networking are driven primarily by the social and financial possibilities. In effect, they are there for the same reason as you.

But if this sense of common purpose can’t propel you beyond the “knocking knee” stage, then try these six tricks:

Make the first move - beat your nerves into submission by acting quickly. Walk up to the host - or if you can’t wait that long, the first person you see - and just start talking.

Be likeable – go out of your way to be really likeable. This doesn’t mean shouting everyone drinks at the bar. Just start by wiping the scowl off your face and replacing it with a smile, then compliment someone on something. If they don’t flee from you in panic, take it a step further and make a positive comment about something they are saying. Before you know it, you are making a friend!

Be courteous – when we get nervous, the little voice that sounds remarkably like our mother tends to be overpowered by the blood beating in our ears. As a result, we forget to say thank you, to look people in the eye, to speak politely to the wait staff etc. Never be so nervous that you forget your manners!

Repeat people’s names - you instantly look like your part of the crowd when you speak to or refer to others by their name. Sharpen up your recall skills and flatter people by your obvious interest. (Tip: writing names on a napkin and screaming when people change seats and ruin your prompt card is to be avoided at all costs!)

Become genuinely interested in other people - there is usually something to admire in every person and by identifying this and commenting on it you create an instant bond. Just make sure it is not a body part!

Encourage others to talk - through listening and connecting your conversation to other people’s interests, you take the pressure off yourself. Effective listening can also create an instant bond and with your “new friend” introducing you around, your nerves will be a thing of the past.

Final tip:

Edith Yeung’s blog is called Dream Think Act and that also resonates with me, because a good friend of mine often says this, only he adds “Celebrate” at the end.

I think that is an important addition when you are busily networking away.

Rather than worrying so much about how you are coming across and if you have spinach in your teeth, focus on enjoying spending time and learning more about your new contacts. After all, the one thing that nerves can’t compete with is a good dose of fun!

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