Remember When: Creating Memories to Inspire Others

There’s a wonderful old saying about why friends are so important - they bear witness to our life…

But even without friends we have our memories, which is why it is so important to cultivate positive ones.

Cultivate, I hear you ask? Isn’t that a bit manufactured?

But selective memory is an important part of staying positive.

This doesn’t mean only thinking about all of the past successes of our lives. Instead, we should be selective about the way in which we recall our failures.

Past romances should not draw a heart-wrenching sob when we think of them. Business ventures that wound down like an old clock should not make us hang our head in shame.

What we should focus on are the positive aspects - what a great example that was of how prepared I am to commit to something!

The memory then becomes something we can draw strength from. To me this is the essence of being a mistress, rather than a slave, to our memories.

Deposits in in Your Memory Bank

I like the concept of the memory bank. Not the computer storage kind, but the sort where you think of your body as a cash register and your memories as currency.

Memories give us shape and form and value.

Why accumulate memories of little value? Why hoard the moments that are tarnished?

Equally, we should not let valuable memories slip through our fingers. A positive memory that’s left deep in the vault is worthless. But by taking it out and admiring it and sharing it with others, we can leverage off its inspiration again and again.

Take a moment to focus on a favourite memory and feel the change in yourself - I challenge anyone to hold back a smile when they think of a wonderful moment from the past.

So why not invest in good memories?

The Power of Shared Memory

One of the most wonderful ways to start a conversation with a friend is by asking, “Remember when?”

Being alone with out memories can be inspiring, but recalling them with someone who also shared the experience can bring the memories into sharp focus.

While we witness an event one way, a friend might recall different scents, different images. Together, by drawing a memory from the past into the present, we give it multiple dimensions.

The next time you are out with your girlfriends and there is a lull in the conversation, try indulging in the Memory Circle.

No chants or candles required, this is simply a group expression of shared memory.

My sister instigated this on the weekend, as we walked around the lake at the bottom of my street. It was a fresh Spring morning and clouds were scudding about like dodgems. It made her think of a wonderful memory, which in turn provoked me to share one of mine.

But then she began describing a special time we had shared together and I closed the circle by concluding the memory.

Before we had circled the lake we were laughing hard enough to shame the kookaburras out of the trees.

The Value of the Memory Book

Many inspirational organisations around the world are pursuing memory work.

By creating a safe space in which the past can be brought into the present, memory work recognises the amazing capacity people have to survive and celebrate life.

Memory books, which are often constructed when a child has lost a parent, allow family and friends to contribute thoughts and feelings about the deceased to a communal book, so that the child has a wonderful, many-dimensional reference to take into the future.

Henning Mankell, the highly successful Swedish crime writer, works with AIDS charities in Africa to actively promote and encourage the writing of memory books.

The project encourages HIV-infected parents to write portraits of their lives for their children, as a tangible testament to their love that can be looked at many times in the future. A lock of hair, a photograph or an illustration of a shared moment can speak to a lonely child when their parent’s voice is lost.

But memory books can also be created in less troubled times.

A child struggling with a new school can be inspired by a memory book that evokes positive memories of the past. A marriage that has become distant and quiet can speak again through symbols of happier days. Even the passing of a pet can be made less final through the construction and sharing of a simple memory book.

Where Memory and Dream Meet

Someone once said to me that memory is a bit of the past projected into the present and a dream is a bit of the present projected into the future.

I like the correlation between memories and dreams.

When my sister was very little and she was afraid to go to sleep, she would ask me to tell her what she should dream about. I told her elaborate stories about fairies and horses and angels, but what gave her the most peaceful sleep was when I plucked an image from our shared memories and spun it to life in the darkness.

A picnic on the beach, with sandy sandwiches or reaching down in the dark dawn of Christmas and feeling the pillowcase of presents on the end of our bed…

The next time you’re feeling that you are drifting free of your dreams, consult your memory bank.

Look for the big, shiny golden memories. They’re the ones that will help you invest in an inspirational future.

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