Men and Ikea Bookcases: Why Neither Comes Assembled

August 28th, 2007 by Simone

When on their best behaviour – whether on a first date or on the showroom floor – both men and bookcases seem to have it all together…

Only the other day one of my dear friends remarked with some surprise that her man just isn’t what she had expected.

Having once believed herself in possession of a truly impressive prize, her doubts have now taken hold. Rather than smugly sitting back like the first one in the door at the Ikea sale, she looked at me with furrowed brow and asked:

Why doesn’t he understand that I need him to commit more?
How can he think that I want to spend every weekend watching him surf?
What does he mean by saying he needs more time by himself?
Why does he always act so bored when around my friends?

Watching her chew over her frustration, I saw a picture very clearly in my mind’s eye. She was standing at the end of a factory assembly line and her partner was rolling towards her, all of his parts perfectly in place.

I don’t think she is a terribly high-maintenance woman. Rather, she is simply possessed by the delusion that men, like the gleaming pale pine bookcases at Ikea, come into your life fully assembled.

Three Steps to Getting the Most out of your Bookcase (I Mean ‘Man’)

Confronted by my friend’s relationship doubts, I offered her the following three tips to make the most of her pre-assembly partner:

1. Read the Instructions

Ignore the instructions at your peril – they are included for a reason!

The creators of the first Ikea bookcase knew they would have a riot on their hands if they sent gazillion bolts and bits of board out to unsuspecting women without offering some explanation as to their purpose.

The same applies for a new man. No, the creator of man wasn’t able to provide a one-size-fits-all instruction manual, but then men are gifted with a few attributes that give them an edge over the bookcase.

Talk to him – Rather than firing questions at him like an Immigration Agent, get him to open up by talking about your own feelings. Just keep the screaming and sobbing to a minimum, or you will get the same response as if you were addressing the bookcase – dumb silence with the odd bit of creaking.

Consult his friends – The best buddy has already cleared the trust hurdle and is no doubt wise to exactly what makes your man tick. Again, avoid the interrogation tactic, but if your intentions are obviously pure (and accompanied by a beer or two) you might uncover all sorts of interesting insights.

Give his mum a ring – Bonding with his mum can be either very useful or very confusing. If her only insights into her son are kept in the glory box with his baby teeth, then move on, but if he has developed a mature relationship with his mum then take heart. You are not the first poor woman to try to sort out his screws!

2. Try it in a Variety of Places

Some bookcases simply do not suit a room. They are too large, too long or clash with your Laura Ashley prints. Take this designing tip and apply it to your man.

Take the time to consider if his lack of support is because he is under stress of his own. Perhaps he doesn’t shine in the company of your friends because he feels out of his depth. Maybe he thinks that you want to spend all weekend watching him engage in his favourite pursuit. (Okay, so that’s a stretch…)

Instead of throwing your hands up in disgust, look at ways you can change your shared environment, whether by taking a relaxing weekend away or changing the mix of people you socialise with. Take a step back and see if he looks better when his back isn’t to the door!

3. Don’t Overload It

Men, like bookcases, can only take so much. I personal have three (bookcases, not men) that huddle in my office like sway-backed mules, but common sense tells me that soon it will all become too much and they will drop their load on my unprotected head.

Try to apply the same philosophy to your man. If you want him to change – and who doesn’t want more, better, best! – then accept that it has to be a gradual process.

Try balancing the weighty tomes you inflict upon him with some more light-hearted, enjoyable reads…and if he still looks as if it is all too much, try turning your attention to working out how the ten-seater dining suite fits together!

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One Response to “Men and Ikea Bookcases: Why Neither Comes Assembled”

Jon says:
August 29th, 2007 at 6:27 pm
Actually, you can skip them all and go directly to #3.

If a woman wonders why a guy would think that she would want to watch him surf all day it’s probably because when the relaationship was fresh and young she probably did exactly that for hours at a time - adoringly so - and casually mentioned to him once, “I could watch you surf all day.” To which he thought, “Jackpot!!”

Here’s a tip. My girlfriend calling my friends and my mother almost ended our relationship. It feels like obsession. Besides my mom is astute, she would know that the end game was all about getting information. Mom’s are like that.

All men need time alone, even the most highly affectionate like me.

Guys hate girl talk. loathe it. they’d rather get a root canal, the best a woman can hope for is a man who pretends that he doesn’t and feigns interest exceptionally well. We’ll do exactly that because we love her, but girl talk is second only to shopping.

We love weighty books, but more often than not, the dissatisfied woman wants to put every book she owns in the bookcase and buy more simply to put it in and see how it performs under the exceptional undo burden. This is why men need time alone.

Men live and love to give, love to listen, live to help and serve. And serving and putting her first is the way we show we love her. More often than not, my experience is that sometimes women miss all the little things that we sacrifice to show our love for them and sometimes the opposite sex seeks can sometimes seek even more after we’re already overtaxed. In those cases, for the sake of the relationship, men seek a small time alone so we can come back and continue to serve joyfully.