How To Be Remembered Once the Lights Go Out

Women love jumble sales. There is something very statisfying about the process of sifting and sorting and categorising things. Just watch women at a half-price underwear sale, burrowing through bras and knickers like a double action ramdrill, creating mounds of merchandise on either side of them while scoping out the competition.

Put us into our own Judgment Day and no cyborg could match us for the efficient way we scan, select, assess, and classify things around us.

Networking experts claim that we apply these same skills to meeting people. Within 7 seconds of first meeting someone, we have already developed an initial judgement. In other words, we have already formed an opinion of that person, based on the key impressions we have gained from their appearance, speech, body language and dress.

This general impression is of course only one facet of the real person, or one viewpoint of their personality. But if the experts are right and we are all a very judgemental bunch, then you may only have one opportunity to be memorable before the party breaks up and the lights go out.

Be Self-Aware

Take the time to study yourself in the mirror.

I’m not talking about being dazzled by the brilliance of your bling, or hunting for stray greys with your tweezers, but examining the whole you.

Ask yourself what your body language is implying. Are your shoulders hunched like a first-grader or is your neck extended, your posture open and inviting? Practice smiling and shaking hands and assess how welcoming you might appear to strangers. What about your tone of voice when you first introduce yourself? Do you sound stressed or confident?

Now put your newfound confidence in your image to the test.

Get to Grips With All Your Angles

One of the most horrific aspects of being a trainee teacher is having one of your initial teaching sessions videotaped and played back to the class to critique. Suddenly you become aware of that grim person masquerading as your shadow. You know the one! The fidgety, nasal-toned, frowning, anxious one who hides behind you when you look in the mirror, but leaps out like the court jester when in a public setting.

This is because your image is not a static thing. While your appearance and dress might be the first things people comment on, it is actually your actions and attitudes that are memorable.

We can all stand around like mannequins - and you will often see people gravitating towards the attractive, cardboard-cutouts at the beginning of the night - but to be memorable for something other than your great legs, it is important that you cultivate a social presence to go with them.

Be True to Yourself

Most memorable people have more than one persona that they alternate for different situations. A structured, professional manager can also be the life of the party on weekends, as long as each image they unveil contains aspects of their true selves.

What they are doing is simply presenting the best parts of their personality, as appropriate to the company and surroundings.

Take a moment to identify what you like best about :
a) your “at home” self and
b) your “at work” self.

What character trait does your family and friends compliment you on? What trait does your boss most often recognise and reward?

These two aspects of your true self are at the heart of your formal and informal personas. So next time you attend a work conference and want to be remembered, focus your energies on emphasising your excellent listening skills or ability to mediate between opposing viewpoints. And if there is dinner and dancing at the end of the day, bring your informal trait to the fore and be memorable for your sense of humour or your ability to put people at ease.

Go Easy on the Camouflage

In every event there is the danger of fitting in too effectively. We might have started the night feeling quite confident, but as we circulate through the crowd we find ourself coming adrift until we end up in the corner, disappearing into the wallpaper. What began as an opportunity to be remembered has become a quest to avoid being packaged away with the rented furniture.

This might be for a number of reasons. Take a peek in that mirror again and see if you recognise yourself in any of these scenarios:

• You’ve bumped into the better version of yourself - the slightly more glamorous, slightly more interesting persona that you were trying on the for the night - and have become dispirited.
• There is simply no one that you feel you can talk to, given that all of the conversations are revolving around Britney’s mothering skills or the dangers of free range eggs.
• A troupe of cheerleaders have taken over the party and your voice cannot compete with their well-timed chants or invigorating high kicks.
• You are simply not in a social mood and it is easier to retreat into the intense, brooding you who sends off negative vibes like insect repellent.

Obviously you have two choices: to be memorable to at least one person in the room, or to retreat. My personal preference is to reserve my jungle fatigues for those situations where I have to slip away to another event without drawing attention, but on all other occasions to wade back into the fray.

Be Memorable for the Right Reasons

Bad manners, a sloppy appearance and an untidy personal or professional space all play a big part in creating poor impressions.

Other ways in which we can be memorable for the wrong reasons (long after the hissy fit, hangover or ‘who cares’ attitude has worn off) include:

1. Being unprepared - in any organised event a certain level of preparation is expected. At the very least know why you are there, who is hosting it and how you are going to get home!
2. Forgetting people’s names - this is acceptable the first time, but when you repeatedly forget someone’s name it suggests at best a scatty brain and at worst a total disinterest in the other person. NB. Great tips for remembering people’s names in an upcoming post!
3. Having nothing to say - Shyness is also acceptable to a point, but playing mute at a networking function is inexcusable. No one is there to engage in a monologue. Come prepared with some key points about yourself, some interesting stories from the news and a strong set of questions that will get your companions talking.
4. Having too much to say - How hard is it to forget those people who talk over you, firing words like a machine gun, their eyes leaping all over the room as if they are about to make a break for the door? Monopolising conversation is as bad as playing the role of the mute. Balance your comments with questions and listen, listen, listen!
5. Being uninformed - It is both professional and social suicide to repeatedly make statements on subjects you obviously know nothing about. I once saw a woman hijack a luncheon for international students by making loud and ignorant comments about the lax immigration laws in our country. It is one of the few times when I wanted to attack someone physically with a bread stick! Instead, ask careful questions of the more informed people around you.
6. Being overcome by nerves - I’ve seen people almost pass out from nerves and there is nothing more excruciating to watch. The key trick here is to get outside your skin. You’re not the only one being looked at or listened to. Get some perspective and practice deep breathing.
7. Being rude - There is really no way to redeem yourself once you’ve been openly rude. Insulting a new acquaintance is like carving your impression with a sledgehammer. No one will forget it and it will take the heroic rescuing of a drowning child to shift that image of you from your acquaintances’ eyes.

So the next time you step into a new social setting, take a moment to gather yourself before you scurry off in the direction of the first familiar face.

Run your game plan through your head, remind yourself of your great character traits, adjust your body language to reflect your engaging attitude and look for a new acquaintance that you can introduce yourself to - and try to work up the courage to do all this before the host navigates around you to turn off the lights.

Posted in Social Skills. Permalink for this post: permalink. If you are a Digg user, please  Digg this post. |  Stumble It If you use use Del.icio.us, then add us in:  Del.icio.us

What do you think?

Leave a comment! Or send a trackback from your own blog.

RSS