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My Nanna lived in the comfort zone.
Taking a seat at her kitchen table was like sliding into a deck chair. A simple bit of furniture, it was where she played cards, drank wine and conquered crossword puzzles.
But most of all it was where she created an environment of ease.
What I remember most from sitting at that table were the faces gathered around it. Different ages, different personalities, but all comfortable, for the moment at least, in the space they found themselves in.
Have you had the pleasure of such a place, where you find yourself sinking into a state that seems almost disconnected from your real life?
At the centre of it, no doubt, was a force like my Nanna, for a true comfort zone is not the place you go alone, but the space in which another accepts you unconditionally.
The Skin You’re In
Putting others at ease is not something we are encouraged to do.
In a world of competition and self-promotion, where sitting at tables is becoming rare and the focus on self is all-encompassing, few people see the need for creating a comfort zone for others.
Keeping people on their toes tends to occupy our time. With enemies kept in pockets and friends tucked away in mobiles, the idea of making others comfortable seems unattractively pedestrian.
Where’s the excitement of the game-play, the rush of the repartee?
Striving higher and harder and faster, the emphasis is often on the opposite of comfort.
Shake things up.
Challenge yourself.
Go out on a limb.
Push yourself to the limit.
See what you are made of.
For many, change signifies progress and to be still is to stagnate.
Perhaps one of the downsides of our commitment to continuous improvement is that if we live by the premise that everyone can and should improve, how can we also convey the message that we accept people just as they are?
Just the Way You Are
A traditional woman, my Nanna never learned to drive.
She had old-fashioned views on most things, and was politically conservative and cautious with money.
But her strong opinions never erected a barrier between herself and another at her table. In fact, her circle of friends consisted of vastly different people.
I often wondered what they had in common, these people who came and went through her kitchen. What I remember most is the noise: laughter and yelling, waving hands crafting enormous tales of love and luck.
My mum finally put it into words.
It was my Nanna’s gift, the ability to invite people in and share a comfortable space with them.
Perhaps it is important to our development and evolution that we forever try to outgrow our skin, but I still miss those days around her hectic kitchen table, comfortable for a while in a space of easy acceptance.
Tags: acceptance, comfort, friendship, Relaxation
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What ever happened to that kitchen table?
We are all more likely to be clustered around the TV, watching CNN or – please – American Idol!
I too miss those times.
I did not get a chance to really know my grandmother but my mother was her duplicate.
There was always someone sleeping on her couch who came for tea and stayed a year.
Thanks for a reminder of the days gone by.
Hi Corinne,
Thanks for sharing. The kitchen table was sold when her house passed out of the family, but my sister still has her gorgeous old couch :)
S.
Brings back memories of my nonna and the endless guests that used to come through her house to enjoy an expresso (milo for the kids), bowl of pasta and a good old chat.
It’s an extraordinary gift to be able to put others at ease like that and have them feel so comfortable and relaxed in your presence. In fact, it’s one of the things that has stuck in my mind from my experience as an exchange student in a small town in Italy. People had that quality – they were like our grandmothers. It was much harder to find back home in Australia.
Simone, you are so right when you say that the “emphasis” nowadays is “often on the opposite of comfort”.
I still find, though, during my travels, that certain cultures are pre-dispositioned to “creating a comfort zone for others” than others.
Hi Jane,
What wonderful images of your nonna. Thanks for sharing.
When my husband first arrived in Australia, he found one of the greatest culture shocks was the lack of a “sharing community” that he had back in his own small village. Shame!
S.
Hi Sharon,
I think you are right that the focus on making people feel welcome and accepted is stronger in some countries than others. Take Jane’s example above. I also found this to be true in Vanuatu – the most generous-hearted people ever. I found a friend around every corner :)
S.
Hi,
I love the way you point out the flaws in modern thinking – about people continually striving to outdo themselves & others instead of “accepting”! Very powerful.
Hi Lidia,
Thanks for the comment and for visiting. Don’t you think sometimes that modern thinking is less about actually thinking and more about just doing as you have always done or how society has conditioned us? I think that active acceptance could go a long way to healing a lot of our modern hurts.
S.
It’s so important to have a safe haven and to make one for others. Thanks for pointing this out.
Hi Cooper,
Thanks for the comment.
Accepting someone without needing to change them is about the best gift we can give!
S
So here you show why you are a lynchpin of our family communications.
Mum
I’ve really enjoyed reading this post. As you reflected on your Nanna and “simpler” days, it brought back memories of my own Grandma. She always gave more than she had to give and regardless of how hard times were in her life, a huge smile was always present on her face–a beautiful smile on her beautiful face!
Definitely a lot to think about….
Hello Anne and Michele,
Thanks for your wonderful feedback. The memory of your wonderful Grandma, Michele, seems like a mirror-image of my own.
Thanks for the visit,
S.
Hi Simone
I loved reading this post. You hit the nail on the end when you mention that people are less inclined to work at making people comfortable these days, and I put it down to the fact that we are all so busy, so much so that it feels like “work” to entertain or hang out with friends some times. When I was in my early twenties, I remember always putting my friends first and making sure that they were comfortable etc. Now, I am lucky to get myself to the event myself! It reminds me again that it really is important to get your priorities right and that includes time for yourself, your friends and loved ones. Work, bills and other “stuff” has to wait in the line!! Jo
[...] presents Creating a Comfort Zone : The Art of Putting Others At Ease, posted at Outfit [...]
You’ve really captured those feelings, and made a strong point. Creating a space somewhere like that in the midst of our busy lives would be a wonderful achievement.