Going Soft

Working in a male-dominated world like the resources industry, it can be a challenge to retain your more feminine attributes.

Just the other day I had a minor disagreement with one of my fellow colleagues when I referred to some of the work we were doing as improving ’soft skills.’ She looked at me with disgust and said, “Don’t call them that! They’re not soft!”

A bit surprised, I attempted to explain that it was just the way I differentiated skills like communicating effectively and managing change from more technical skills, like blowing holes in the ground or tipping rock into ships. But she was having none of it.

“If you call them soft,” she explained, “everyone will dismiss them as ‘girly’ skills.”

That set me back on my high heels.

Not because people might view the very important work I do as less important than advancing technical skills, but because of my colleague’s own connection between softness and women and the obvious lack of relevance she believed that either had in the workplace.

A few days later this realisation was at the forefront of my mind when the Internal Communications department put up their posters announcing an internal review of existing business processes. The poster drew some cynical remarks from my female colleagues and I went to check it out (conveniently placed on the back of the female toilet.)

The photo was of a beautiful blonde, fresh-faced and full of enthusiasm, beaming down at us from behind safety goggles and a hardhat. Unlike other advertisements that draw the ire of women because of the scantily clad models, this one was being lampooned because of the girl’s obvious passion for her job, and the very stylish way in which she wore her High Visibility safety jacket.

The comments from my colleagues tended towards asking:

• Where did they get her from?
• Think she was waiting out the front of the building for a bus?
• More likely on her way home from the day spa, surely?
• What’s she got to smile about?
• Are they trying to torture us?
• Who are they kidding?
• How come they didn’t come down here and take my photo – think the black circles under my eyes and the fact I haven’t had time to wash my hair in a week wasn’t photogenic enough?
• What does the Internal Communication Department do anyway?

Demoralised, I added concealer and a hat and sat down to consider why my usually focussed, productive colleagues were so disturbed by the poster.

What’s all of the fuss?

I started off with some very philosophical meanderings about the identity of the modern woman, the frustrations of the ever-present glass ceiling, the subconscious conflict between office and home, the guilt of the female breadwinner… but I decided that things were simpler than that.

It was a matter of betrayal.

The keen, young girl was just another pressure to add to my colleagues’ day. After all, she was the perfect “material” girl of the outside world, where looks and youth and style determine your place in the pecking order. To see her in the professional realm and being placed on a pedestal for all to emulate made a mockery of what they believed should be the criteria for success in the workplace: intelligence, dedication, productivity and so on.

As one woman bluntly put it, “As if things aren’t hard enough as it is without us having to look at Barbie every time we go for a pee!”

But what pressures are they talking about, I hear you ask. Everyone is on the same salary now, working through the same weekends, using the same company gym and working away in the same open-plan office smelling each other’s socks… aren’t they?

Being a research fanatic, a glance at the Australian Bureau of Statistics told me:

• Women in major urban areas are less likely to be self-employed that their rural sisters
• 19% of Australian companies have no female Executive Manager
• There is a 5% wage gap between men and women in Australia, but a 20% gap between the earnings of female and male Managers
• Only 5 of Australia’s top 200 companies have a female CEO

So was it still all about the glass ceiling and pink dollars for girls and blue dollars for boys?

I discussed the above stats with my colleagues, but what they really wanted to talk about was what one of them called “the rip in my stocking”.

The Rip in My Stocking Explained

She described the “rip in my stocking” as issues that she knew were there, that were annoying or embarrassing, but ultimately problems she just accepted, hoping that they didn’t end up exposing her from toe to crotch.

So here’s a summary of the “rips” she and others shared with me:

• Proving that they ‘fit in’ to the culture, without having to drink themselves stupid at the sundowner or laugh at blonde jokes,
• Proving they are passionate about a viewpoint, without being asked if they are about to burst into tears,
• Clarifying that the report that took eighty hours to create is actually their work and not their supervisor’s, (even though he’s been in hospital the whole time),
• Leaving conflicts at the office and not taking them out on the innocent partner at home,
• Balancing on the thin line between wearing clothing that is attractive versus clothing that is alluring (i.e. a-leer-ing),
• Being penalised or promoted because of a ‘masculine’ professional profile (this can be read as either cold and aloof or as direct and focussed),
• Infiltrating the ‘old boy’ network, so that contacts can lead to work, especially if all of the men in their field are busy,
• Convincing prospective employers that being ‘thirtysomething’ doesn’t translate to ‘bitter and alone’ or ‘soon to be pregnant and requiring paid maternity leave’.

So what do we do about it?

My answer (not to everything, given that chicken soup is also a good remedy) is to go back to our “soft skills”. I believe that promoting and rewarding the use of basic, positive, people-focused systems and behaviours will do more to change a business culture than all of the Walkathons or Casual Fridays ever held…

Here’s a quick list:

1. Get people to communicate more (not via more email or meetings)
2. Promote and manage change
3. Encourage critical thinking
4. Build structured mentoring programs
5. Teach people to effectively review their own and other people’s performance
6. Develop a networking system (both internal and external)
7. Teach people effective goal-setting and time-management skills

Simone.

PS 1. The alternative, as described by my Barbie-hating colleague, is to wait until the old-boy network dies off and then see how things shake out!

PS 2. If you think I’m perhaps exaggerating the gender-divided culture in the modern workplace, consider the following: what was the first question I was asked when thirteen male trainees arrived in a workshop where I was about to give a presentation? Answer: Can you get us a coffee, love?

Do not be misled – I do not have the secret formula for making work fun. Work is still a Four Letter Word. After all, if work was fun, they would hardly pay us for it, would they?

But there are ways of making sure that the SLOG, TOIL, PAIN and ACHE of work is not the defining vocabulary of your life!

What is “Working for Fun”?

In a nutshell, “working for fun” is a lifestyle in which you commit to earning money in a traditional sphere of work, so that you can devote time and resources to another, less lucrative, but far more attractive endeavour. Think of it as “robbing Peter to pay Paul,” with your own pockets both being looted and stuffed!

Before you get over-excited at the idea of spending most of your life beside a pool, the “fun” side of this equation is still a form of work, but it is an activity you enjoy so much that it doesn’t require a fat pay check to motivate you.

The following scenarios apply the “working for fun” lifestyle:

• Temping overseas (the work bit) and writing travel memoirs (the fun bit),
• Teaching high school (the work bit) and tutoring gifted students (the fun bit),
• Consulting on a casual basis (the work bit) and starting up an internet business (the fun bit).

I can personally vouch for each of these scenarios, as I have put them into practice over the years. In two instances the preferred activity was in a start-up phase and couldn’t supply an income, but in the other it was not commercially viable at all.

Want to know how you can do the same..?

How to “Work for Fun”

“Working for fun” has become increasingly feasible in recent years due to booming economies, more opportunities for personal and professional development and greater workplace and industrial support of flexible lifestyles, but like all good things there are certain commitments that have to be made for it to be successful.

 Find your passion – We can often find ourselves sitting behind a desk and wondering how we ended up there, but not so with the “fun” part of this lifestyle. This is the activity that you have always gravitated towards. It might be working with your hands or collecting something ceramic or singing in public.

TIP: If you’re still unsure what your passion is, picture what you would do if you never had to pay bills again and had exhausted all brainless pursuits – what would get you springing out of bed in the morning, every morning?

 Develop discipline – It is important to set up some rules from day one. This lifestyle requires structure and moderation. It is very easy to be lured by the promise of money into taking on more ‘work”, but a lot harder to wrestle back time for your “fun” pursuits. Equally, by not staying on top of developments in your profession or by losing touch with your “work” contacts, you can find it harder to attract traditional employment when you need it.

TIP: Learn to say “no”. This lifestyle is about balance and you cannot spend 90% of your time committed to both “work” and “fun”.

 Write up your goals – Knowing what you want is a lot easier than it sounds. Perhaps you want to produce plays with the community dramatic society, but you also want to buy a new car. These goals are not necessarily achievable at the same time. Learn to prioritise your goals and work out what you really want.

TIP: Goal-setting (and keeping) is a challenging process. Don’t think that by putting your goals on a post-it note on your fridge that you are set up for success! Learn how to identify, prioritise, reach and review your goals.

 Be flexible – Life is full of twists and turns and this lifestyle choice is no different. You need to be flexible to the changing needs of your family and of the labour market. Learn to recognise and create opportunities. If the perfect “work” contract comes along, shelve your “fun” time for a few months to reap the immediate financial rewards.

TIP: A lot of people think they are flexible, but it is my experience that in the workplace most people have spines of steel. Practise being flexible before you undertake this lifestyle – if you have heart palpitations at moving the Monday morning meeting to Wednesdays, then this lifestyle probably isn’t for you!

 Budget appropriately - While I take a fairly ad-hoc approach to “working for fun”, many of my friends structure their lives so that they “work” for a year then take a year “off” to pursue their passion. Some even negotiate a shared arrangement with their partner, so that one of them is always “working” while the other is having “fun”.

TIP: This is about a balanced life, not an irresponsible one! Pursuing your “fun” life with no thought to your future financial wellbeing is highly risky (and puts you dangerously close to the category of a “bum”.) Remember, there is no fun going on a holiday when you don’t have any pocket money.

 Be good at what you do – This lifestyle requires you to either have accommodating people around you or to be justifiably good at what you do. If you have a solid reputation, people with vie to have you “work” for them and will often negotiate to meet your needs. Similarly, if your “fun” pursuit has merit (and doesn’t hinge on the TV remote and a bottomless back of potato chips), your family and friends will be more supportive.

TIP: Investing time and resources in what you are really good at has merit – don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise!

Dangers of “Working for Fun”

 Lack of security – This type of lifestyle is the extreme opposite of getting a gold watch at your retirement. Playing the slippery consultant can be great in a labour market desperate for your services, but try negotiating a flexible contract in a recession!

 Stress - It can be difficult juggling all of your pursuits, which can lead to feeling as if you have developed a split personality. By altering your expectations about work, you can also feel aggrieved when the opportunities dry up, leading to feelings of frustration and self-doubt.

 Resentment – A key danger of this lifestyle is the ongoing struggle to stay positive in your “work” environment when your preferred pursuit is interrupted by the need to bring home the bacon. The “work” and “fun” elements of this lifestyle must be viewed as interrelated and equally supported.

 Jealousy – This is other people’s resentment towards your lifestyle! As you finish up a contract to go “teach” scuba diving in the Bahamas, don’t expect too many gushing goodbyes.

 Lack of community – For those of us who are used to working in a busy environment - or even the dreaded open-plan office – the hum and bustle associated with “work” may be part of our landscape. This lifestyle often requires you to go it alone and may even lead to rifts with your family and friends whose own experiences of “work” are more conventional.

The Four Cardinal Rules of “Working for Fun”

1. Know Thyself – You need to be very honest with yourself before undertaking this lifestyle as it is most definitely not for everyone. One way of determining if you are suited to this lifestyle is by reviewing the dangers expressed above. If they strike terror into your heart, don’t quit your day job.
2. Act – Just stop talking about it! It is very easy to become the sad-faced person hogging the lunch room newspaper and whining about all of the things you would do with your life, if only… Take the first step by going part-time or setting up a blog about your “fun” pursuits.
3. Have a Support Network – Everyone thrives on encouragement. Find a mentor who is an advocate of this lifestyle and build a network of like-minded peers.
4. Take a Reality Check – This lifestyle is not necessarily forever. Take your career’s pulse on a regular basis and stay tuned in to the mood of your family, friends and colleagues. If something changes and you can no longer support this lifestyle, be prepared to let it go (at least until things change again!)



Simone Martin is a teacher, trainer, writer and management consultant. To find out more about her “work” and “fun” pursuits, email her at outfitinspirations@hotmail.com