Do you ever feel like you’re one of Pavlov’s Dogs, salivating at the thought of upgrading to a better car, better partner, better job, better house?

All around us we see evidence of our need to upgrade.

Real-life success stories, celebrity endorsements, self-help books and sky-high billboards all create a culture of need.

It’s a material world and if you’re not spending, you’re not living!

Such messages – neither subtle nor sophisticated – trigger our reflex responses and our salivary glands go into overdrive.

But before we reach for our cheque books, do we stop to consider if our need is real or a conditioned response?

Could it be that if left to create our own reality – think no media, advertising or peer pressure – would we actually be happy with what we’ve got?

Blurring the Lines Between Needs and Wants

When I was teaching Geography to high school students in London, we would have a discussion about the difference between needs and wants. To a modern, middle-class, Western audience, the definitions were often confusing.

Needs were those things required for survival: food, shelter, clean air and water, medical care and protection from abuse and discrimination.

Wants were those things that were more discretionary and certainly not in the same league as our needs.

But we need money and holidays, the kids would argue. And how could they possibly survive without a TV?

The reality is we desire our wants so much, they feel like needs.

How many times have you said, “I’ve got to have a holiday” or “We need a bigger house”?

Perhaps they are not necessary for survival, but without these things our standard of living will certainly suffer.

And improving our standard of living is the reason we get up in the morning – isn’t it?

The Shifting Sands of Living Standards

It seems to me that our standards of living are far from fixed and clear.

Instead, they seem to blur and shift like an oasis on the desert sands.

In technical terms the standard of living is defined as the level of material comfort that an individual or group aspires to or may achieve.

But who is determining those levels? Do you decide the things essential to your material comfort, or are outside influences dictating the terms?

Upgrade Equals Euphoria

In computing terms, an upgrade often implies greater capacity, new features and improved performance.

But is upgrading really about adding greater value and quality to your life? Do you have to upgrade to be happy?

All the statistics seem to suggest that despite having more than our parents or grandparents, we are actually less satisfied with our lives. Some of the reasons for this include:

• We put in more hours at work to upgrade our lifestyles, but have less leisure time to enjoy the fruits of our labour.
• We put the needs of our family above all else, but are often not there when they need us.
• We focus on creating more choice and opportunity, but the financial burdens we take on tie us to our commitments and drastically reduce our flexibility.

Unfortunately our expectations have far surpassed those of our forebears – we believe we can do anything, anywhere, anytime – but as a result our disappointments are greater.

Euphoria, it seems, is not in stock for those of us who put a high price on it.

Tips to Resist the Upgrade Grab

• Value the Sentimental – When my home was broken into one Christmas Eve, the thieves opened all of the presents under the tree and left the wrappings behind. As I gathered up the bits of torn paper I found that they had hastily re-wrapped one item. It was the pair of socks my grandma had knitted me, for I was far from home and it was an icy Christmas. Perhaps they were sentimental thieves, but I think they simply placed no value on the gift.

  They put more value on the CDs and bits of costume jewellery than the gift from my grandmother’s own arthritic hands.

  Perhaps I am sentimental, but when I sat in those socks and ate over-cooked turkey with my friends, I felt as if all of Christmases had come at once.

• Do an Identity Check - Who are you? What do you value?

  When you think of how you would project the Perfect You to the world, what do you see? The woman you are now or someone out of reach? What is missing to close the gap between the two versions of yourself? Is it really more of what you already have?

  The next time you think “I just have to have that”, stop and consider if it really takes you one step closer to the woman you want to be.

• Use Your Own Measuring Stick - We all suffer from a fear of falling behind. As the world around us seems to move on and improve, we can be frightened into thinking that unless we upgrade too, we will never be able to catch back up.

  But we can set our own benchmarks. We can decide what is enough.

  The reality is that we cannot have the best of everything. We need to decide what is important to us and focus on achieving those specific things. If we choose to be content with our lot, then nothing can convince us that we are missing out.

• Understand the Opportunity Cost – The irony of modern life seems to be that we are spending more time than ever earning money, yet have less time to enjoy it.

  We need to always be aware of the cost of our pursuit for more.

  While we work long hours we miss time with our family. While we chase status symbols, we overlook less tangible but often far more rewarding pursuits.

  When we understand the cost of the opportunity we have forfeited, we can ask ourselves honestly if it is a price we want to continue to pay.

• Get off the Merry-Go-Round - It is said that 8 out of every 10 Australians want radical change in their lives.

  Obviously this ride is not giving us any satisfaction. But what do we do when the journey we are taking fails to reward us – we run faster of course!

  Be a person who stands back from the crowd and looks the ride over carefully before it starts – if you don’t want to spend your life going in endless circles, then don’t get on board in the first place.

• Worship High Culture over Haute Couture – The purpose of culture is to give us context – to give our lives shape and form.

  But is the shape we really want full and round and balanced, or thin and hard and rectangular, perfectly sized to fit into our wallets?

  Forget the structural similarities between churches and shopping malls and focus your awe on something with real substance. Worshipping God gets us into heaven. Worshipping AMEX gets us into a pretty pair of shoes.

Today is a dull and dreary day.

I make this pronouncement not because of bad hair or impending dental work, but because even though we have slipped into Spring in the Southern Hemisphere, there is not even a hint of sun in the sky this morning.

I live in a beach town that has convinced itself it is a capital city. But at its heart it is still defined by the sweep of coastline to which we cling.

In summer, when the temperature rises to the point that the sand mutates into hot glass, we gravitate to all things wet like a mosquito bloom.

But today is a grey day with neither a mad dog nor an Englishman in sight.

It is hard for me to be inspired when there is not even a glimmer of the desert sun…

So the challenge is clear: I give myself five minutes to construct this post. There will be no researching or word-play. This is inspiration without angles.

Five Ways to Life Your Spirits Starting Now:

1. Celebrate Small Stuff – Instead of reciting all the old chestnuts of health, a loving family, enough food in the fridge and matching socks, sit somewhere quiet and think of the one little thing that only you have. The special thing that no one else you know can boast of. As you discard the obvious – a man that loves to iron, fingernails that grow like winter grass, a cat that can open its own tins of food – you will not only be amazed by your abundant wealth of blessings, but will also get to engage in a fair few eye-rolling exercises as well.
2. Hit Something – I recently discovered the joys of boxing. Forget channeling your rage (I seriously have none) and focus instead on your fancy footwork and sharply accelerating heart rate. This is definitely not the sport for wimps, so keep it to yourself. Punch a bag instead of an opponent and revel in the sweat. No one can hold back a smile when that Rocky theme song lodges in the back of your brain.
3. Get Sensual – This is actually another game for the solo player. How often do we really indulge our senses? All the time, you say? Well in my less hedonistic world, I rarely get to treat my senses all in one day! So try the Super Indulgence Package and immerse yourself in epic music, dark chocolate, frangipanis, a steaming bath and a few verses of your own poetry. If that doesn’t trip off your tongue, indulge your sense of speech by giving it a rest.
4. Have Your Perfect Holiday @ Home – So it’s perfect weather to get a new post code, but you’ve got no time, no money and no imagination to get away… That doesn’t mean you can’t go on holiday. Work out the one thing that really creates the holiday mood and commit to doing it every day for a week. Or be greedy and choose a few! Partner massages feet Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Partner does dishes Tuesday, Wednesday and Saturday. Partner makes daiquiris and tries to entice you away from your partner…
5. Get Wet – There is nothing like water to invigorate. Forget straightening your hair. Hang the water restrictions! Who cares about bathers with the seat worn out of them? Get a thorough soaking and feed your skin. If a natural water source requires crossing state boundaries or hacking a hole in the ice, settle for a bucket over the head or a dash through the sprinklers.

Well, I don’t know if you are inspired, but I’m already feeling much better.
It may be due to writing this post – or the fact that I had the radio on the background and just heard the new weather forecast for the day… Bring on the Vitamin D!

PS. Okay, so finding the pics took more than five minutes!

I was recently pointed towards Yaro Starak’s fantastic blog Entrepreneur’s Journey and digging through past posts, came across an article he wrote about Happiness (The Key to Happiness, March 2006).

In it, he recounts how he managed his panic attacks through developing positive affirmations and by teaching the little voice in his head to support his goal of being happy.

Towards the end of the article he says:

Happiness is ultimately not in anyone else’s hands or controlled by any external element at all. It’s purely a choice you can make. As often as I can I choose to be happy. It’s not always as easy as that but by undertaking to change the way you think and create an ongoing positive dialogue with yourself you are both working towards the same goals – that’s you and your little voice – both aiming for happiness.

I really loved reading such inspiring words from a good Aussie bloke! Driven to posting a response, I recounted how I discovered positive affirmations on a women’s retreat. For those of you who have never had the pleasure, imagine a bunch of women in a forest, talking, singing, crying, swimming in freezing seas and burning letters on the beach…

On the drive home I sang all of the lyrics to Pink’s latest album at the top of my lungs (what’s going on?) The following morning I woke to a very sore throat and discovered that I couldn’t speak – not an easy thing for me to deal with – and after blaming it on being forced to sing “I am Woman” in a circle of strangers – decided to focus on some less verbal personal development.

Digging out my retreat bag , I uncovered my personal affirmations and in silence read through them – and then read them again. Before I knew it I was smiling and tapping my foot to “I am Woman” in my head.

In reality, what I had been gifted with was an amazing, powerful tool. Determined to make the most of it, I began looking at other areas of my life and developing affirmations for those.

At night my husband would hear the rubber band snap (holding my affirmation cards together, people!) and would wish me his ritual nighttime blessing of “Sweet Dreams”. For a person afflicted with sleep issues, sweet dreams were rarely on the cards, but after a week of using the affirmations I found myself actually living up to my husband’s hopes!

What I also discovered was that the more squeamish I was to write the affirmation down, the more effective it was when put into practice. This, I believe, is because I was getting to the heart of the matter and developing positive statements about the things that worried me the most.

In summary, I totally recommend positive affirmations to anyone who wants a shot of powerfully happy thoughts every day and while there are numerous websites devoted to affirmations, if you want a quick peek at some, go to our free tools.

Sweet Dreams,
Simone.

I am a very practical person and rarely judge a book by its cover – although some of the caftan-clad, bright-eyed gurus beaming at us from the bookshelves tend to draw a few sniggers – but if you look closely at the promotional blurb on a self-help book, you can usually find exactly what the product is promising. And that leads me to the belief that while we are all browsing in the same English-language bookshop, not all of us are speaking the same language.

Confused yet?

Words are the new currency. Buzz words are gold. Plaster a product with promises of Motivation, Passion, Serenity, Love, Wealth, Spirituality and of course Inspiration and it instantly appears more appealing. But what of Happiness?

Claims of guaranteed happiness as a result of reading a book or listening to a tape may be true, but I don’t think we are all defining ‘happiness’ in the same way. This is the ‘lost in translation’ part of my gripe. To my way of thinking, happiness is fine and I’ll take it over misery any day, but I don’t place the same value on it as I do on contentment. Contentment, I believe, is what all of us are after as we clutch our “Eternal Happiness in Three Yoga Positions” book and shuffle towards the cash register.

Contentment and Happiness In the Ring Together

I know that ‘contentment’ sounds old-fashioned and boring. ‘Happy’ is cocktail dresses and beach barbecues and I doubt anyone at the Spring Carnival or Big Day Out said they were ‘content’. But contentment, I believe, is much more important than happiness. This is my take on things:

Happiness, by my definition, is linked to specific things. It is a product of a relationship you have with an experience, whether it is playing basketball, having coffee with a friend or staring at clouds. But ultimately it requires that experience to be present, for you to reap its rewards.

Real contentment however, is much harder to find. By my definition, contentment is being satisfied with your life. Contentment may not possess the giddy heights of happiness, but it has a foundation broader and firmer than a tectonic plate. To me its scope is so much greater and its shelf-life so much longer than happiness.

The quote from The Dhammapada, (a collection of teachings by Buddha), that “contentment is the greatest treasure,” is a more poetic way of expressing my point of view!

So will this make ‘Contentment’ as big a buzz word as ‘Happiness’? Rather than endless websites on channelling our inner Goddess, will we now be hurling books on contentment into our virtual shopping carts?

Somehow I doubt it. After all, self-help has to sell and being content doesn’t really have the same ring to it as discovering “The Seven Secrets to Sexual Happiness”. (See how your eyes were drawn here??? Why do you think I called this category “The Naked Author”?) But spread the word all the same!!!!

Simone.

PS. Like all good women I am multi-tasking at the moment and while I type this I am also nursing my flu-stricken husband and sorting a pile of laundry, hence the above cynical turn!

Over a few champagnes last week in our local pub, a friend and I discussed the many quick-fix remedies out there for all of our personal problems and it led to an unappetising question:

Is our brand of personal development just the new burger on the block?

It seems that every day there is a new book or DVD or program you can purchase which is going to cure all of your ills. Nothing new in that – I remember my mum poring over Dr Spock when I was three and exhibiting strange behaviour towards garden snails – but what amazes me are all of the claims that the cure can be achieved in “3 easy steps” or by “10 minutes a day”. This leads to my second question:

When did personal development become as quick and easy as a microwave dinner?

Not far from the pub is one of the city’s best-loved inspirational bookshops. I wandered through there the other day, curious to see what the ‘competition’ is up to. I was not surprised to see bookcases groaning under endless rows of quick-fix DVDs, pocket books and sets of inspiration cards, but it lead to my third question:

Do people who purchase quick-fix remedies really think they can turn their lives around faster than they can say “one chicken and chips combo?”

Being an introspective sort, I’ve spent a lot of time wondering why this kind of “fast food” self-help disturbs me. I think the answer is that change is not something that occurs without a fair bit of heartache (note: not heartburn).

This leads me back to our own brand of self-help. Are the 4 Principles that I believe are the foundations for positive change any different to the DVD that boldly claims you can “Make a Million Dollars over Your Lunch Break”? I had to frame a quick defence when this particularly disturbing question raised its ugly head over drinks with my friend. And here is my answer:

If Outfit Inspirations is ‘dishing up’ anything, it is that change of any sort is a long and often difficult experience and the tools and techniques that we offer are designed to make that process easier.

But I imagine some of you find this answer as dissatisfying as a cheeseburger. So if I were to offer the impatient reader our version of a quick fix, what would it be?

Let’s call it my tips for happiness in a heartbeat… I’m certain that they won’t satisfy your hunger for growth and development in your life, but then that’s not the point of fast food, is it?

(NB. This product comes with a warning – if you think wearing blue clothes for the rest of your life is going to transform your life, please think again. And for those of you who like to sift your self-help –i.e. eat the steak out of the steak burger and leave the salad and the bun – please read the post on Happiness or Contentment before you make this the staple of your daily diet.)

Tips for Happiness in a Heartbeat

1. Smile every time you catch sight of your reflection
2. Tell someone a joke and insist they tell you one in return
3. Wear blue—it is a naturally relaxing colour
4. Hold the door open for someone
5. Put new “happy” photos in all your photo frames
6. Trade a facial or a manicure with a friend
7. Do twenty star jumps
8. Sniff citrus — fresh fruit, cut grass, baking bread
9. Clean your desk — visual confusion upsets us
10. Pat a cat — soft fur is a proven relaxer

Simone.

PS. If you think I am unqualified to be making these comparisons between the self-help and fast food industries, just remember I have an Arts Degree. And while that might mean something in your town/state/country, the joke that was doing the rounds when I left university was –

Q. What did the Arts graduate say to the Law graduate?
A. “Would you like fries with that?”