Forget miracle cures for stretch marks or the answer to a permanently plump pout, what I really want wrapped up in a cute little box is a solution to the eternal problem of change that never lasts!

As I mentioned in an earlier post where I waxed lyrically about the cherry blossom in my garden, spring is now well upon us in Western Australia.

This of course heralds the beginning of a range of “cleansing” routines - maybe even to the point of finally sorting my sock drawer…

Spring, I think, is a far better time to think about new resolutions that New Year.

Not only is it difficult to focus when a hangover is burrowing into your brain, but the beginning of the calendar year in my part of the world is traditionally about 40 degrees Celsius in the shade.

Even the best intentions wilt in that kind of weather.

And to me, change is all about the right environment, supporting the right mindset.

Decisions at the Cosmetic Counter

Take, for instance, the very important decision of changing your cosmetics range.

I’m not talking about foundation that is one shade darker for summer or buying a new lipstick because you like the packaging. I mean a total overhaul.

If there are any men still reading at this point, think of the cosmetic overhaul as similar to buying a Holden after fifteen years of driving Fords or suddenly changing allegiance to the football team on the other side of town.

It can take us many years - and a lot of makeup remover - to identify our preferred brand of cosmetics, but once found, we often develop a life-long commitment to its counter over all others.

It takes a pretty effective marketing campaign to cause us to cast flirtatious glances in the direction of the competitors…

But even if we are seduced by the bright new packaging and free bonus products, we know that it doesn’t really matter if the change doesn’t last.

We can always revert back to our old favourites without any dire consequences - because after all, the change is just cosmetic!

More than a Cosmetic Change

In the world revolving around the cosmetic counter, little is truly permanent.

Lipstick wears off, fake tans fade, hair dyes grow out and nail polish chips before you’ve got the lid back on the bottle.

Is it any wonder that as eager consumers of these short-term changes, many women struggle to make major changes in their lives stick?

I’m talking about a serious, substantial transformation where the consequences of reverting back to the previous state lessen us physically and emotionally.

Major change comes in a variety of packages, including:

• Breaking a habit - this is obviously a conscious change made to improve quality of life, such as quitting smoking or improving your self-talk.
• Creating balance - this includes eliminating obsessive behaviour, improving components of your “wheel of life” and detoxing from negative influences.
• Encountering a new experience - this may be a something we seek out, like moving house or a work promotion, or may be forced upon us, like urbanisation of your community or a new management structure.
• Experiencing a natural progression - this is a change that is largely out of our control, such as puberty, retirement or the death of a loved one.

In all these forms of change, what cannot be denied is that it is a challenge to embrace the change over the long term.

8 Steps to Making Change Stick Better than Long-Lasting Lip Gloss

Forget the three steps to perfect skin.

The recipe we should be focusing on is how to make substantial change stick.

1. Make it real - the first thing to do is to create a vision to inspire you.

   How is your new state, following the change, going to look? How are you going to feel? What is the imagery associated with failure to make the change stick?

   An effective way of making it real includes creating a visual aid like a vision board.

2. Plan and communicate how you are going to get there - this includes articulating your plan and commitments both externally and internally.

   Telling your friends sets an expectation that you will follow through on your plan and positive thinking and affirmations reinforces your internal commitment.

   You can strengthen your internal communication with positive affirmations.

3. Get started - once you have made the decision to change, you need to increase the urgency by getting started immediately.

   It doesn’t have to be a huge first step, but it should be symbolic. If you want to change your eating habits, throw out the junk in your fridge and fill it with fruit and vegies.

   Just do not underestimate how difficult this step is - even if you aren’t a procrastinator! It is the first actual transition from talking about to doing it.

4. Distance yourself from the old - you need to get both emotional and physical distance between you and the old state.

   When I went cold turkey off cigarettes I avoided my local corner store for three months, because it was where I always bought them with the weekend paper.

   Another difficult, but often essential distancing tactic, is to spend some time apart from a friend who may be a negative influence.

5. Avoid the trigger to your former state - This often goes hand-in-hand with the point above. Certain triggers can undermine the change we are trying to embrace.

   Knowing your weaknesses and what can potentially threaten your commitment is essential.

   Take some quiet time at the beginning of the process to work through your weak spots and put some strategies in place to support your change.

6. Develop an incentive program that celebrates quick wins - While the change may be complex and stretch far into your future, it is important to have some “quick wins” or short-term goals to keep you on track.

   Think of these as milestones. When you drop a couple of pounds, reward yourself. When you go for your first job interview do something to make yourself feel good.

   Just make sure the celebration is in proportion to the achievement. In other words, don’t order a pizza to reward your weight loss!

7. Get support from others and empower them to act - Work out your support network and enlist them to help you stick to your plan. The people closest to you need to be part of your solution.

   Empower your family and friends to act in your best interests, even if that means arguing with you during your weak moments!

8. Don’t let up - This seems pretty obvious, but you need to understand that it is much easier to revert to old ways than forge ahead with your change.

   The key here is to keep going over the seven steps above until they become automatic.

With all of the self-help information available today, anyone might be mistaken for thinking that change is easy and that making it stick is a breeze.

Work hard, keep focused and you will be rewarded with more than just a bonus gift!

Someone (gender obvious) recently made the comment that he didn’t spend much time at my site because it was ‘girly’. Given that his interest in web women gravitates towards the “Babes with Books” photographic exhibition – read this as a dig, NOT a plug – I wasn’t too disheartened, but it got me thinking.

As I regularly work in male-dominated environments, (my last two contracts have been in the areas of mining and power tools), I think I am fairly in tune with the overlap between male and female issues around inspiration. In fact, most of the issues are exactly the same and I just choose to focus on the “girly” viewpoint because, well…do I even need to complete this sentence?

One of the movies I find inspiring is “When Harry Met Sally” and the pithy exchange my sisters and I often steal in moments of self-analysis is:

• Marie: “The point is, he just spent $120 on a new nightgown for his wife. I don’t think he’s ever gonna leave her.”
• Sally: “No one thinks he’s ever gonna leave her.”
• Marie: “You’re right, you’re right, I know you’re right.”

For those who have condemned this fine film to the chick-flick pile, the conversation is between Carrie Fisher (Marie) and Meg Ryan (Sally) about Marie’s married lover. Despite many painful lessons that he will never leave his wife, she continues to hang around and hope.

So what does this have to do with white water rafting? Hang in there with me, fellas!

The film reference is as much about change as it is about hope. I often meet people caught in loops of self-destructive behaviour and most of them have the insight to realize that it is a treadmill they have been on for a long (and fruitless) time. But while there is hope, they proclaim, there is reason to keep running.

It is important to note that this is not a gender-specific issue. Men are just as likely as women to cling to negative routines about jobs that depress them or friendships that have soured. And I use the term ‘routine’ for a reason.

Change is a White Water Ride

It is much easier to remain in our established patterns of behaviour. In fact, if you were to drop a few letters from the word ‘routine’ I think you would get a far more honest description of why we don’t change. A rut, by definition, is a depression made by the continuous passage of a heavy object. Sometimes we can get ourselves into such a deep groove that to try to climb back out seems physically impossible.

So finally to the white water rafting analogy…

For those of you who have never visited the beautiful Western Australia (this IS a plug for my home state), every year about 25 000 spectators gather to watch approximately 800 contestants take part in Australia’s biggest whitewater classic event.

The Avon Descent, as it is known, is a 133 km, two-day boat racing event that takes place on Western Australia’s Avon River in August. It is considered to be one of the toughest river races in the world, especially as in the early years there were no rules or safety regulations and people went down the river in anything that could float, including homemade rafts and rubber inner tubes.

As the race proceeds entrants must face hazards which include tea trees, rapids, meter drops and rocks. In some years fog has reduced visibility to less than 10 meters making the descent even more hazardous.

Standing on the river bank as a wide-eyed spectator, you get the opportunity to watch speed boats fly across jagged rocks as if they’ve morphed into aircraft. And this is where I link back to the issue of change, because as you watch these crazy people bump over rocks and tumble out of boats, you have to come to the conclusion that they wouldn’t know a rut if it fell on them.

The Change Adoption Curve

These fearless competitors are change’s early Innovators and Adopters. If change were to present itself to them, they would be in their wetsuits and wading out while others were still fiddling with their thermos lids. And in fact, even the weather cannot daunt these change-embracers, for despite a year of drought, when the water is barely a trickle, they are still out there pushing - and often dragging - themselves down the river.

So what about the rest of us? Are we all condemned to be the ones who watch the event on the evening news from the safety of our (deeply rutted) lounge chairs?

Well, the interesting thing about the Avon Descent is that it isn’t just a race for the powerboats. In face, there are more pedestrian craft like surf skis and rubber dinghies out amongst the white water. And for some of us, that’s where we place in the change race.

We may not be the first in the water, but we are the Majority who adopt change just in time to make the finish line before all of the spectators head home. And those who have lived all of their lives near the Avon River and never made it to the riverbank?

There’s only one word to describe you, I’m afraid, and that is Laggard. A laggard is the sort of person who sees change coming like a wall of white water and still manages to turn their back on it - and most likely flick to another channel. In “When Harry Met Sally” terms, if you’re a laggard, you probably think Harry’s rationalization of why there is no point in a man starting a friendship with a woman makes perfect sense. Sorry guys, but you’ll have to rent it to get it!

# Note: See how I managed to talk about both failed relationships and power boats in one article??? Take that, “Babes with Books” (no link to blog supplied!)

## Serious Note: Check out Everett Rogers, Diffusion of Innovations, and Raghavan and Chand (1989) for the full “Adoption Curve” theory.

Ever year when the City to Surf Marathon signs are put up in the neighbourhood, I get a quiver of anticipation. Maybe this is the year when I’ll be pulling on the trainers and getting out with the pack.

But then reality hits. The signs are only put up in the last few weeks preceding the event and my training regime has had an even shorter lifespan. Rather than “getting out with the pack” I have a pretty good inclination that I will probably be watching the pack flash by from the same vantage point as last year - coffee, slippers and muffin on my front balcony.

Not a very good thing for an “inspiration advocate” to admit, I suppose you are thinking. But other than that initial flare of anticipation, running the City to Surf has no real impact on my life. In short, I don’t really want to do it.

This lack of enthusiasm isn’t a short-coming in my book, because there is a long list of other goals that I am pursuing with fervour. The marathon simply cannot compete!

This leads me to my latest gripe:

Why do people expect amazing changes in their life, without doing the hard yards to earn them?

I think there are two influences at play here:

1. The belief that change is easy – Another of my known gripes (I have a few!) is the modern perception that anyone can do anything, without having to break a sweat. This is the “get rich on your lunchbreak” movement, selling false hope in the form of magic pills and formulas. Surrounded by pictures of “before” and “after” shots, it’s no wonder we all think we can change our weight, IQ, personal wealth and relationship status – without having to leave the house!
2. The reality that the change isn’t really wanted – Just like my marathon fantasies, many people think they want something, but their passion for it cannot navigate the natural obstacles to getting it. The process of identifying their personal goals has led to misleading results. And who can really blame them when what is “in” changes on a daily basis!

Let’s look at an example. A friend of mine has said for a number of years that she wants to buy her own house. She often looks wistfully at pictures in the window of the local real estate agency and comments enviously on her sister’s renovation of her duplex. But does she want to do the marathon without putting in the training?

I scream “YES!” from the sidelines and this is why…

My Guide to Owning Your Own Home (and my friend’s responses):

• Me: You need to do your research – discover current home prices, interest rates, mortgages, real estate agencies, shire fees…
• Friend: It’s too depressing. Everything is too expensive and I just know that if I buy now, the bottom will fall out of the market…
• Me: You need to make some contacts: real estate agents, mortgage agents, current residents…
• Friend: They’re either too pushy or they don’t want to know about me unless I have a wad of cash in my hand…
• Me: You need to get your finance sorted out - examine your assets, start saving, investigate loans and grants…
• Friend: It’s all too confusing. Just looking at my savings account sends me into shock and none of the banks will touch me with my credit history…

Get the picture? The reality is that even if my friend really does want to buy her own house, she doesn’t want it badly enough. She looks at her sister’s renovation and sees only the new bathroom and doesn’t recognise the mortgage, the visits to the hardware store, the dirty dungarees or anything else that is hard reality.

And the hard reality is that for every goal that we truly want to achieve there are commitments that we have to make and keep.

So, if you really want to run a marathon, when the signs go up in your neighbourhood, start training that very day – for next year’s race!!