Five Quick Time-Saving Tricks

February 13th, 2008 by Simone | 4 Comments - click to view »

woman time pic

We have all heard of wonderful strategies and detailed systems to help us become more efficient…

But often the reality for us busy folk is that we can’t find the time to digest any but the quickest of techniques!

So here is a list of five speedy solutions to help you – just in the nick of time!

1. Grab a Template

“Don’t reinvent the wheel” is a time-worn phrase that makes a lot of sense.

Whether in your business or personal life, it is a good idea to use what you already have, rather than starting from scratch each time you have to deliver a speech or present a report.

Many businesses provide free online templates for business documents (resumes, contracts, project plans, letterheads etc) and you can also find great examples of personal documents, like party invitations and family budgets.

But this principle also applies to your own “intellectual property”. The next time you create something that really stands out, take the time to save it in an easily retrievable place!

Tip: Programs like Roboform are online tools that help you save time by automating password entering and form filling.

2. Find an Expert

Businesses understand the value of out-sourcing tasks to professionals.

Unfortunately many home renovators and dinner party hosts have failed to heed this same advice, hence the rusted scaffolding in the backyard or the three-course meal that isn’t served until midnight.

The reality is that we can’t all turn our hand to everything. Sometimes it makes good sense to invest in an expert.

So if you view your time as valuable, consider the benefit of paying someone who can complete the job in the same time that it takes you to select your tools!

Tip: One useful site that allows you to find and negotiate services online is Elance, providing access to freelance professionals in the areas of web and programming, design and multimedia, writing and translating, administration, sales and marketing, legal and finance.

3. Tote a Task

Like every good girl scout, you should always be prepared.

There are countless opportunities every day where we can save some time if we think ahead. Carrying unfinished chores around allows you to take advantage of the shopping queue, doctor’s waiting room or the inevitable afternoon traffic jam.

Rather than sitting and fuming about having to wait, pull out your task and make the most of your time.

Of course this doesn’t help you finish tiling the bathroom floor, but all of your tax forms, Christmas gift lists and overdue letters can be polished off while others lean on their horns.

Tip: Browse through the gorgeous and versatile tote bags at Overstock.com.

4. Get Mobile

The up-side to the invasion of the irritating ring tone is that mobile technology has done much to set us free.

Rather than sitting at home waiting for the plumber to ring, we can communicate while on the go.

Given that technology is advancing at a furious rate, it won’t be long before we can not only complete a day’s work, balance the books and watch a film from the highest mountaintop, but will also be able to tuck the kids into bed!

Tip: Check out Geek.com for information and links to all of the best mobile gadgets.

5. Spring Clean Your Routine

A routine is not necessarily something we have designed by choice.

Rather than a flowerbed of contrasting colours, most of us have developed daily patterns that look like an infestation of the wild oxalis weed.

We scratch through our cupboard for matching socks, miss the bus by a minute, misplace our keys, run out of milk, forget our shopping list, get lost on the way to the gym and circle the carpark for twenty minutes…

By spring-cleaning your daily routine you save time in the future by investing in good practices today.

Step back from your routine and assess where you get bogged down. How can you get more organised to avoid these bottlenecks in your day?

Tip: Flylady and Lifehacker are popular organisation and housekeeping sites, offering great tips and tricks for saving time at home.

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Tags: declutter, organisation
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How to Let Go of the One Who Got Away

February 1st, 2008 by Simone | 6 Comments - click to view »

lasso pic

Just as every fisherman has a tale of the monster fish that escaped his line, so do most women have a story of the special man that got away.

As Pink so aptly puts it:

There’s always one that gets away
The one that sneaks up on you that slips away

Perhaps he chose another or the stars were crossed against you – what lingers in every case is a sense of possibility unfulfilled.

As we become more confident and proactive in selecting our partners, it can be difficult for women to find that we are not in control of our love life.

In some ways we are probably just experiencing what every man has suffered since the dawn of time: you can’t always get what you want.

This can be a very disturbing realisation. After all, don’t we live in a culture that tells us we can have anything we want, as long as we are prepared to chase it?

Combined with a common belief that “The One” is wandering out there somewhere, with only our heart etched on his sleeve, the realisation of lost love can feel like a death blow.

But rather than becoming the walking wounded, dragging the ghost of an old love behind, there are some very real and practical things we can do to let go of the one who got away.

(Unrequited) Love is All Around Us

I am a victim of unrequited love – or I was before I met my husband and got on with living a very happy life with him.

While the thought of my lost love still plucks very softly at my heart strings – and causes my husband’s temple vein to beat slightly more ominously – it is more the memory of the time and place that I cherish. There is nothing quite as wonderful as those day of giddy, unexpected love, after all.

But such feelings are far from unique. The world around us is stuffed full of examples of unrequited – or lost – love.

1. In Music

“Layla” was inspired by Eric Clapton’s then-unrequited love for Pattie Boyd, the wife of his friend George Harrison.
“Jessie’s Girl”, Rick Springfield’s 1981 hit song, involved a man in love with his best friend’s girlfriend.
U2’s magnificent “All I Want Is You,” is accompanied by a dramatic music video recounting the tale of a circus troupe where a dwarf is in love with a trapeze artist.
Chris Isaak’s evocative “Wicked Game,” “Can’t Do A Thing To Stop Me”, “Somebody’s Crying” and “Don’t Make Me Dream About You” are all about unrequited love – not to mention the fact that I have a life-long crush on the man (only further inflamed by getting to hug him this year when he performed in concert on my birthday!)
James Blunt’s, “You’re Beautiful,” includes the lyric: “But it’s time to face the truth, I will never be with you” and was written about an ex-girlfriend whom he saw in a London tube station.
Radiohead’s 1993 hit “Creep” says it all.
English legends The Smiths give the subject their own twist in great songs such as “There Is A Light That Never Goes Out” and “I Want The One I Can’t Have”.
Nick Cave in “I Let Love In”, bares it all with the lyric: “Despair and deception, love’s ugly little twins, I let love in, I let love in.”

2. In Literature

The classic French play “Cyrano de Bergerac”, by Edmond Rostand, is about a brilliant swordsman and poet who is in unrequited love with his cousin for decades.
Charles Dickens’ tackles the theme in “Great Expectations”, manifested mostly in the character of Pip and his affections for Estella.
F. Scott Fitzgerald’s “The Great Gatsby”, sees the main character Jay Gatsby try unsuccessfully to lure back his former lover Daisy Buchanan.
Heathcliff, the epitome of the brooding man, in Emily Brontë’s “Wuthering Heights” suffers through a complex relationship with Catherine Earnshaw.
Victor Hugo’s famous “Les Misérables” features the tangled relationship of Eponine and Grantaire.

Loosening the Noose of Lost Love

While we all feel a little better after indulging in some epic lost love stories, the reality is that letting go of the one that got away requires firm action.

Here are some strategies to help loosen the death grip on your emotional happiness:

1. Face up to the Change

Any change causes us to initially resist. We feel shock, denial, blame and uncertainty, but ultimately we need to work towards reaching acceptance.

This is a very firm action – you cannot accept a change if you continue to surround yourself with the symbols of your former state. Box up mementos, take a break from mutual friends, change your routine and immerse yourself in new experiences.

Don’t lose sight of your reason for doing so – you are actively moving on to a more positive place – and congratulate yourself on every step forward.

Soon you will lose count of the number of steps you have taken.

2. De-personalise Departure

One of those emotions that we tend to direct towards ourselves when a love goes away is blame.

Was it me? Did I do something wrong? Could I have changed? Been more? Been less?

In many cases the decision is not only out of our hands, but also has little to do with our actions. Some people simply move on. Others simply cannot bear to stay.

De-personalising the departure of a loved one is essential, because even if he did leave because of your obsession with cleaning the fridge, the decision to leave was still his to make.

Instead of burning your rubber gloves and despairing over what might have been, focus your energies on the new opportunities his departure has presented.

3. Recognise New Opportunities

As you embark on your new life (without he-who-will-not-be-named), actively look for and pursue new opportunities.

As I outlined in my pillar article “How to Recognise an Opportunity When it Comes Knocking” most people become either a Welcome Mat or a Do Not Disturb Sign when a new opportunity presents itself.

But to become an Opportunity Expert you need to develop an antenna tuned to new possibilities.

One of the key strengths of such an approach is that you come to recognise that every encounter with another human being is a potential opportunity – and another step closer to letting go.

4. Desist and Detest

A fairly controversial strategy, this is about no longer gazing at the shrine of his photos with misty eyes and instead injecting a bit of anger into your reminiscing.

It can be very easy to romanticise our memories. We focus on all the good things lost to us – his clever quips and cute quirks that won our hearts. Soon our heartache intensifies, for not only have we lost our partner – but the best partner ever to have walked the face of the earth.

Stopping this process is important. Balance your hero-worship with a good dose of reality. He wasn’t very nice to your friends or he never complimented you on your looks.

We all have things that get under our skin about our men – when they choose to walk away is a good time to dig them out and remind ourselves of them!

5. Ignore the Cliche

I am a firm believer that “Mr Right” is often “Mr Right Now”.

The myth of “The One” belongs is storybooks – a person truly open and committed to love and life experience has many opportunities for meeting a soul-mate.

After all, relationships only really being at the point of Happily Ever After and despite the hype, they are as much about hard work and dedication as they are lingering looks and walks on the beach.

If the love you have lost was “The One”, take heart, for you know what makes you happy and can go out there with a clear idea of how to get more of it!

6. Trust in the Cliche

Just to be contrary, other cliches get a vote of support.

Time really does heal all wounds… and just like the fisherman bemoaning the monster fish that got away – remember that it is a universal truth that there are always plenty more fish in the sea!

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Tags: coping, heartbreak, lost love, moving on, Relationships
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Carpe Diem: In the Shadow of Death, Is Life Passing You By?

January 24th, 2008 by Simone | 7 Comments - click to view »

Heavenly sky pic

I have been in a strange place the last few days.

As a teacher at Heath Ledger’s school when he was no more than a bright face at the back of a classroom, I have been deeply and profoundly touched by his death.

In my eternally countrified home town Heath is an almost mythical creature – the down-to-earth boy who somehow sprouted wings and soared all the way to Hollywood, a la the Peter Pan of his youthful acting days.

I can say that there is a pall over the city today.

And while we do not mourn the daily passing of any other residents of our city any the less, there is something very wrong about such a bright young star plummeting back to earth.

Death should not visit one who seems to stand so tall. It should nip at his heels and be jostled aside as he leaps and bounds through his abundant life.

And it is in that realisation that death touches us all.

For if life can pass by the Heath Ledgers of the world, what about the rest of us with our feet firmly rooted in the earth?

Does your life pass you by, camouflaged by the little things that have no place in the epic stories of our world?

I remember the anticipation with which I viewed the world at the age of 28.

Are the dreams and hopes any dimmer since those days?

And so in the shadow of death a little perspective returns…

Carpe diem!

For if ever a school boy taught us to seize the day it is Heath Ledger.

Life is short, but it can be very sweet and even those of us from small, quiet places can soar high and far.

Deepest condolences to the Ledger family and many thanks for letting us bask in the brightness of your cherished son.

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What Not to Say When You Meet Someone New

January 20th, 2008 by Simone | 7 Comments - click to view »

dinner date pic

Last weekend I was eating dinner with the family at a restaurant appropriately called Social when our conversation was interrupted by the discrete but insistent ringing of a bell.

Confused for a moment that last orders had somehow snuck up on us, I turned to watch a group of people simultaneously rise from their seats.

Like experienced synchronised swimmers, they rotated to the left and sat in the next vacated chair.

Despite being women of all ages, they shared a common expression that fluctuated between nervous and expectant.

“Speed dating,” my sister said knowledgeably and as if a bell chimed only for my family’s ears, all conversation at our table evaporated as we swiveled in unison to stare.

I looked at these brave souls.

Psychologists tell us that within just 10 minutes of meeting, people decide what kind of relationship they want with a new acquaintance.

So while speed dating seems the perfect answer to time-poor singles, it made me wonder how many of them were experiencing the car-crash equivalent of a first date.

And over a magical after-dinner cocktail, my surreptitious eavesdropping confirmed my fears.

More than a few of the intrepid singles were on their way to a head-on collision with openers like the following:

Sorry for taking up your time…

Why the apology? Beginning a sentence with “sorry” instantly gives people reason to look for insult.

Unless you have burnt a cigarette hole in the centre of their forehead, assume that your presence isn’t totally offensive.

You can always apologise to their retreating back if things don’t work out.

So you’re the new boss… Good luck!

There is one in every office I venture into: the doomsday cynic who offers their gloomy view of the world before I have even clipped on my security pass.

While a laconic outlook probably has all the guys at the Support Desk sniggering over their irregular IQ cubes, it definitely sends the wrong message to management.

What is your friend’s name..?

You might as well order your cappuccino while you are at it – no one likes to feel like their mate’s PA.

You’re always here, aren’t you?

This is almost as bad as pointing out that the person is wearing the same outfit as last week.

Everyone wants to preserve a little bit of mystery. Make them feel as frequent a visitor as the woman who fills the hand-towel dispenser and they won’t thank you for it.

Did you know you have spinach in your teeth / toilet paper on your shoe / a zip at half mast..?

It may be disturbing to see someone in a potentially embarrassing situation, but walking up and bluntly informing them of their social transgression is sure to be received as enthusiastically as a parking ticket.

Begin with some small talk before you shatter their image of themselves as the most gorgeous, together creature in the room.

I just had to come over and tell you that you have the best (fill in any personal compliment…)

Just having to do anything suggests a craving bordering on obsession. Nothing makes a pair of beautiful eyes narrow faster than this kind of hackneyed one-liner.

A simple rule: unless you are gifted with more charm than a rabbit’s foot, don’t try sucking up to strangers.

It is so boring / crowded / desperate here, don’t you think?

Unless the other person has been forced into the building by gunpoint, their presence suggests that they are there because they want to be.

Worse still, this kind of question suggests the stranger is an expert on undesirable places. All round this sets the wrong mood for a new friendship.

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The Art of Standing Up For Yourself When You Are a Natural-Born Sucker

January 15th, 2008 by Simone | 5 Comments - click to view »

seesaw pic

A friend of mine recently completed a management training course and offered me some insights into my recent business slump.

Not to say that I am forced to play the spoons on the street corner just yet, but a couple of opportunities have recently passed me by.

If an analogy is to be made of my circumstances, I tend to be the one on the see-saw with my feet in the dirt, while others are sitting pretty with the wind in their hair.

The explanation a la management 101?

There is apparently an unholy trio of forces that are out of balance in my life.

They are:

POWER (has to be in capitals)

Achievement (good news for us completer-finisher types)

Affiliations (corporate speak for relationships)

It seems that when these three drivers kick into gear, power must come out on top if I am to be a success in this lifetime.

Achievement-driven folk also do well, getting lots of back slaps and time on the swings, but those of us who spend our days running around trying to build and maintain relationships will ultimately be waiting patiently in line – right up until the bulldozers come in to turn the playground into a strip mall.

Giving into Gravity

It is remarkable easy to be a pushover.

There are plenty of people around willing and able to do the pushing and in many instances good manners and feminine instincts encourage us to back out before the sleeves are rolled up.

But isn’t being a sucker just a matter of perspective?

Are you a pushover if you:

Negotiate for win-win rather than win-lose?
Are the first to say you are sorry?
Expect nothing in return for your good deeds?
Concede an argument to keep the peace?
Let others share the spotlight?
Take a role in life supporting others?
Don’t always have the final word?

Are not such traits more “stand up” than “suck up”?

Despite the get-to-the-top, take-no-prisoners, win-at-all-costs mentality of many a boardroom – and playground – standing up for yourself does not have to translate into stepping on another.

Getting the Balance Right

I personally think my friend’s assessment of my circumstances was flawed, in that it didn’t acknowledge the great life balance.

Take the see-saw example again.

The power perspective – if neither player is willing to spend time at the bottom, the momentum of the game is lost – not to mention the precarious middle ground that has to be maintained.

The achievement perspective – if the game is all about the amount of time you spend in the air, is 50% of our lives destined to be a disappointment?

The affiliation perspective – if relationships are truly relegated to the bottom of the sandpit, how do we find the counter-balance who will propel us to success?

Three Strategies to Stop the Suck

As a middle-child with a peaceful temperament and a career of civic service behind me, being labeled a “sucker” is not a new experience.

But when you also possess a strong set of values and an overblown sense of justice, learning to stand your ground is essential (unless you are content to wait in line for the swings forever).

My strategies however, are the counter-balance to my friend’s three-point critique:

1. Learn the Positive Power of Saying No

Saying “yes” without justification is the foundation of being a sucker.

If agreeing to something creates a negative environment, it is not only good sense – but a moral imperative – to refuse.

But the art of saying “no” is a difficult one to master. Many women have been raised and praised on making people happy and thus feel like failures when they refuse a request.

And yet saying “no” can be very liberating.

If you suffer from the “bobbing head syndrome”, get into the habit by saying “no” to small things. Focus not on the other person’s reaction, but on deciding what you will do with all of the free time you suddenly find yourself with!

2. Focus on the End Game

When you are achievement-driven (and frankly who isn’t, given that we are a generation raised on gold stars), we strive to get top marks for every milestone in life.

Learning to keep your eye on the horizon can be a challenge. All of those opportunities for praise and recognition are tantalising, but they can also draw us into a vacuum where we exist only to please others.

Are you always the first to raise your hand in a staff meeting? Can your whole family (including those in the opposite hemisphere) rely upon you to drop everything and come running? Does your phone ring night and day with people who just have to get your perspective on the innermost workings of their mind?

If so, consider looking over the top of all of those eager faces and focus on what you really want for a change.

3. Find the Perfect Playmate

A staunch believer in relationship-building as the foundation for success in life, no one will ever convince me that an affiliation vocation is a negative thing.

It is, however, important to surround yourself with like-minded people who will support and nurture your good nature.

And then the next time you are confronted by a bully on the see-saw, you can always go off and take turns pushing each other on the swings!

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Tags: achievement, balance, power, Success
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Seven Fashionable Ways to Feel Positive (Without Dropping a Dress Size)

January 11th, 2008 by Simone | 11 Comments - click to view »

positive shopping pic

I’ve never met a woman who isn’t an energetic shopper.

Even when she doesn’t actively enjoy shopping, the modern woman still tackles it with energy and purpose.

Five minutes to closing?

Not a problem. I have my list and I’m prepared to run.

More women in the store than corn stalks in Kansas?

Bring it on. Yoga has made me limber and my discount radar is on high alert.

And yet few of us tackle our daily mindset with equal confidence or determination.

“Bad days,” many of us seem to believe, are unavoidable.

Feeling negative about ourselves and our choices is viewed as part of the pressure of modern life.

But aren’t the good days about as subjective as the shop assistant who smells a sale in the air?

Is negative thinking really as unavoidable as death and (sales) taxes?

The Great Depression

I remember being told once that negativity is natural. Supposedly the ability to focus on what might go wrong is a means to help us with danger.

From a historical perspective, when we were lingering in the mouth of the cave, wondering if its a good time to go out for a pee, thinking negative thoughts about
lurking predators, mislaid wooden clubs and the potential for frostbite on our exposed parts probably saved the human race.

But what about negativity now?

Negative thinking is obviously no longer necessary for our survival.

And yet, studies in the United Kingdom suggest that one out of three women between the ages of 18 and 23 have significant symptoms of depression.

Ranked as the number one mental illness in the world by the World Health Organization, depression affects twice as many women as men.

And while we all think negative thoughts from time to time, more of us are finding it difficult to move past such thinking, repeating our feelings of failure and
worthlessness over and over.

So why are so many young women caught in a negative cycle?

Research findings suggest that it is due to a trio of terrible traits: low self-esteem, a tendency towards pessimism and poor resilience to life’s challenges.

Failed romances, family disharmony, poor support structures and little sign of achievement or success at work are all triggers for negative thinking.

Sound like your life – and that of every women you know?

Then how do we get out of a depressive rut that so many of us seem to have fallen into?

The Bright Side of Life

There are no quick fixes for depression and medical experts will counsel strongly against remedies that promise simple solutions.

But intervention is viewed as a realistic way to aid those suffering from depression.

Helping people recognize that they are thinking negatively is one of the first steps, complemented by a focus on understanding that negativity is a habit that they can change.

In fact, feeling positive, mental health experts tell us, is not a characteristic, but a skill we can develop and train.

The reality is that many of us only feel positive when things are going our way.

Reaching our goal weight, making a new friend or getting a raise creates a natural feeling of well-being.

But what is far more valuable is the ability to feel positive even if the sale turns out to be stock not worthy of a reject bin or the new acquaintance reveals herself to be only a fair-weather friend.

Positive Outfit Inspiration

As many people mistakenly arrive at this site expecting to find suggestions for the perfect first-date dress or the killer outfit that will ensure they ace an interview, it is appropriate that the positive thinking strategies reflect a fashionable flavour.

So here are seven fashionable ways to feel positive:

1. Put on Your Glad Rags

Before you leave the house, actively “put on” your positive mindset. Treat it as a part of your morning routine, as essential as your wake-up coffee or a matching pair of shoes.

The first time negativity threatens – you miss your bus or the photocopier goes on strike – activate your positive mindset.

Another bus is on its way. You can use the photocopier on the next floor.

It should become as much of a reflex as putting up your umbrella when it starts to rain.

2. Ignore the 50% off Sale

You don’t need a paper shredder, just because it is half price. You don’t have to have the new “it” bag simply because it tells you so in a magazine.

These statements are blindingly obvious, but we don’t always apply the same sense of perspective to the events in our life.

Someone or something telling you that you are not smart enough, rich enough, beautiful enough or thin enough?

Put your chin in the air and walk right on by.

3. Get a Multi-dimensional Mirror

Negative thinking can be a difficult spiral to escape from, blinkering you from the good things in life. Change your perspective by looking at your world from a different perspective.

An uninspiring job staring you in the face?

Then check out the rear view – Do you come home to a bustling, happy home life?

If you simply cannot bear to look over your shoulder, ask a friend for their view of your world and get some objective feedback to help you see things more clearly.

4. Change the Label

Just because someone tells you they are authentic pair of Jimmy Choos, doesn’t make it so.

Similarly, if you label your current project a failure or your emotionally undeveloped partner tells you you are no fun anymore, this is only one interpretation of reality.

Tell yourself that you are beautiful, that your business is going to be a success, that your relationship is supportive…

Even if you have to work hard to make the label stick, you will have a far better chance of success if you approach the job with a positive mindset.

5. Clean Out your Closet

We often surround ourselves with both the physical and mental evidence of our “failures”.

Keeping old love letters, bad performance reviews or unpleasant text messages rarely spurs us to greater things, but more often roots us in the unhappy past.

Recognise that reading something twice won’t change its content. Instead, bin those negative reminders and schedule regular reviews of what you have to be grateful for.

6. Forget What you are Wearing

Have you ever stressed over an outfit for a big event, worrying over every little detail, only to forget completely about what you are wearing the moment you arrive?

We are most likely to achieve happiness when it is completely off the agenda – when we flow in the moment…

That flow – and the happiness that comes with it – often occurs when we move the focus from the internal (I’m not thin enough) to the external (I’m having so much fun with my friends.)

Perhaps you can’t change your dress size or finish the degree you’ve been working at for years, but you can change your mindset immediately.

Your memories of today will be all the better for it.

7. Ignore the Style Police

A sense of well-being depends on not just the the ability to impress others, but on impressing ourselves.

If someone has judged you harshly and found you wanting, take responsibility for counter-balancing their criticism with some positive thinking.

And remember that one of the most effective ways of feeling good about yourself is by sticking to and reaching your goals, so take a moment to work out what you would most like to achieve, then plot a positive, realistic course towards success.

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Tags: depression, mindsets, resilience, women
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A New Year’s Revolution: In Search of a Simple Life

January 1st, 2008 by Simone | 5 Comments - click to view »

white shirts pic

Over the last few days, as the year has been preparing to depart, I have encountered a New Year’s Revolution.

It seems we are becoming a little less enamoured of ushering in the new year with hopeful resolutions.

It is undeniable, however, that change is a current buzz word with commitment as its side-kick.

We all know that we can be richer, thinner, smarter and far more focused on getting the best life possible – we’re just not sure that we actually want to commit to making these changes today.

After all, change is complicated.

And against the many measuring sticks that surround us, it is pretty obvious that it is the whole kit and caboodle – and not just our hips – that need an overhaul.

And so, despite the ever-present reminders in the media, urging us to wrap our new year in a commitment to spend, most people seem a little jaded by all the commotion.

Instead of a call to arms to change our lives beyond recognition, the revolution is a quiet one: many of us, it seems, just want a simple life.

Life Made Simple

As Confucius so aptly put it, “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”

The reality is that we can choose to make our lives less complicated.

Life can – and will – hurl complications at us, but we don’t have to react to these events in a complicated manner.

Fleeting relationships, temporary jobs, dips in the economy, absent friends…

Do these things really need to be entangled in complications?

If we simplified our reactions to events that affect us, would we have a greater chance of happiness and contentment?

Spoilt for Choice

Is the gloss of bettering ourselves wearing off?

Is the love affair with curbing our excesses and celebrating our successes drawing to a close?

It’s unlikely.

But it does seem that we are becoming weary of the complications associated with self improvement.

And maybe that is an unavoidable side-effect of being spoilt for choice. In our freedom-infused society, we are awash with choice and many of us baulk at making decisions that once were almost automatic.

What may have once been a simple choice – a sensible nutrition plan involving the five food groups or the best way to get yourself a promotion at work – is now a maze of opportunities and expectations.

One wrong turn and you’ll end up with a taut pay-packet and a bulging backside.

Four Little Steps to Simplicity

And yet the process to simplifying your life is appropriately simple.

Work out where the complexity lies – Too many commitments? Too much stress? Not enough down-time? Not enough motivation?

Decide what you can do without – Some complications are part of life, but others just hitch a ride. If a complexity exists because you’ve allowed it to form rather than because it needs to be part of your life, toss it out.

Take action to embed the simple alternative – Voids don’t work very well in reality, so if a simple alternative exists – the nice man for the bad boy or the morning walk in the park over the twelve-month, platinum gym membership – then make it a part of your life today.

Develop strategies to avoid future complications – Get into the habit of identifying complexities before they develop. We all have weaknesses for different complications – involving ourselves in others’ affairs or taking on the work project that has “challenging” stamped all over it – and we need to train ourselves to avoid them.

And so, as the sun goes down on the first day of the new year, my hopeful resolution is not about kicking a habit or climbing a ladder, but about working hard to create a simple life.

I wish you the very best of good luck with your own 2008 revolution.

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Tags: Change, resolutions, simplicity
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And the Winner of the Hunt is…

December 25th, 2007 by Simone | 5 Comments - click to view »

Santa pic

Congratulations to all the skilled scavengers who tackled the Great Online Christmas Scavenger Hunt!

We were overwhelmed by how many wily readers are out there.

Thanks for playing and for the great comments you left along the way!

Thanks also to all of the wonderful sites who were involved in the hunt:

Don’t forget to drop by again at Easter to join the Great Online Easter Egg Hunt and win!

Drum Roll…

The Magic Christmas word was:

WENCESLAS

And the winner of the hunt is….

KATHERINE A MORRIS

To celebrate in style, check out this amazing Christmas Lights display from one of my neighbours here in Western Australia!

Thanks for playing and see you in the New Year.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Free Gifs and Animations

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How to Avoid the Blues When Breaking Bad News

December 20th, 2007 by Simone | 5 Comments - click to view »

Bad news pic

Have you ever noticed that we expend a great deal of time and energy preparing positive speeches full of joyful tidings, but we plan the breaking of bad news with all of the care of car crash?

A good friend of mine was recently the victim of what I’ve come to call an emale.

Believing her budding relationship was as secure as an anti-virus subscription, she awoke one morning to find that her partner had deleted her out of his life.

As she put it, she had been archived over email.

Worse still, he had sent her a follow-up email telling her that he had added her to the Block Sender list, so there was no point in responding.

Responding? As in indulging in a bit of mature discussion to resolve our differences or to come to some acceptance of the bad news?

Not with this archiving emale.

Making Bad News Bearable

Maybe bad news really isn’t like wine, getting better with age, but that doesn’t mean we need to treat it like a bottle of bubbles against the side of a ship.

The reality is that good news can be broken in any old fashion, but its negative opposite needs a few boundaries.

Despite the method you select to deliver your bad tidings, there are five key elements required to make bad news bearable are:

Accuracy – bad news that intimately affects another person should not be a game of Chinese Whispers. Get your facts straight before you share. Half-truths and rumours only prolong the pain.

Timing – delivering bad news in a time of stress should be avoided at all costs. Chose somewhere private and calming. If something simply can’t wait for the right surroundings, keep the urgency out of your voice and body language.

Phrasing – ‘think before you speak’ is great advice. Take as much time as possible to prepare the delivery of your message, using simple, precise language and follow another old adage: be firm, but fair.

Consistency – the recipient of bad tidings is likely to try and refute your bad news. If you chop and change your story with each re-telling, it will be much harder for them to accept the truth.

Reliability – if you are not seen as a trusted source of information by the recipient, it is better than someone else breaks the news.

Think you’ve got it all wrapped up?

A firm but fair, accurate and confidential email or text message that will drop the bad news in your recipient’s lap and let you walk away unscathed?

The bad news is that negative tidings are one of the most complex forms of communication.

As a result, there is a lot of misinformation floating around, like the examples below.

The good news is that by avoiding some of these traps, you are less likely to cast the blues over the target of your bad news:

I’m Telling You this for Your Own Good

Remember that bad news rarely has a flip side.

Even if you really believe there is one – he’s a jerk after all, you were never appreciated in that job, you have a great fire insurance policy – it can be hard to focus on it when your life is lying in tatters at your feet.

Give them time to absorb the bad news and to come to grips with it, before telling them to look for the silver lining.

We’re Over. Send.

Breaking up via text message or exposing a cheating husband by email breaks every rule of communication that has ever been – well, communicated.

Unless your entire relationship has been via text, or you have recently relocated to an Antarctic research station when you have access to no other form of communication, avoid this approach at all costs.

We all need support to assimilate change and the best form of assistance you can offer is by delivering bad news face-to-face.

I Know Exactly How You Feel. One Time When I…

Focus on the recipient, rather than yourself.

This means saying less and empathising more. If you’re unsure how to do this, put yourself in their shoes, rather than wrestling their shoes off and wearing them yourself.

Keep your comparison stories for when the heart has healed and they will be much more appreciated.

Oh My God, I Just Heard The Worst News!

Information brings attention. Got a scandal to share? Nothing beats a crowded room fixing on you like the last plate of hors d’oeuvres when you have bad news to break.

It is true that the urgency to share bad news can be overpowering, but do your best to avoid the drama.

The reality is that bad news is bad enough without a megaphone and a sky-writing plane.

You Bring These Things Upon Yourself

The key to really effectively breaking bad news is to minimise the impact on the other person’s sense of self.

Keep the news and the individual as separate as possible.

This means helping them see that just because the news is bad doesn’t mean that they are bad – or stupid, or worthless or unlovable.

The bad news is that bad news is unavoidable. We are all going to receive it as we live full and adventurous lives.

But the good news is that the next time we have to deliver it, we can avoid serving it up with a case of the blues by adopting a few of these simple strategies.

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Tags: bad news, breaking up, friendship, grief, identity, Relationships
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How to Be the Perfect Holiday House Guest

December 17th, 2007 by Simone | 5 Comments - click to view »

dolls house pic

My mum once told me there are two ingredients to the perfect house guest: they don’t create work for you and they don’t cost you money.

At the time I was tending house for a menagerie of house guests – but as they were half-naked, plastic and mute, the lesson went straight over my head.

The tea party I was throwing for the inhabitants of my doll’s house ate off empty plates and were left, when I eventually grew bored, in a pile in the corner by the cardboard oven.

Rather than being overly needy, they took my immature hostess skills with good grace, given that more than one head had become separated from their body before the second course.

Ah, the carelessness of youth!

And yet in the real world of festive family holidays, the pressures, costs and commitments of Christmas can cause goodwill to dry up quicker than over-cooked turkey.

So as family, friends and vague acquaintances from far-flung places gather around the Christmas table, there are some rules than can be agreed upon to sustain the Bing Crosby atmosphere.

1. Don’t Try to Tell the Man with the Knife in His Hand How to Carve the Turkey

In most parts of the world the male head of the house no longer has the responsibility of going out and shooting the turkey. Forced to wear a festive paper hat and to sing along to carols sung by pre-pubescent boy choirs, his masculinity may be a little worn out by the time it comes to carving the bird. Ponder the hard trek made by the three wise men through the desert to the first official Christmas and let him retreat to the kitchen to spend an inordinate amount of time sharpening his good knives.

2. Don’t Put on a Santa Suit and Lose all your Inhibitions

Some of the Santas I have encountered strike me as close cousins to the clown characters from horror films. Certainly in my part of the world polyester red suits can induce heat-stroke before the second “ho” and perhaps this is the reason for the melting of inhibitions. Just remember if it is your turn to don the beard and boots that we all actually remember who you really are inside the fat suit – and pinching and lewd comments are best left in your sack.

3. Don’t Eat the Plastic Fruit (or Drink the Water from the Finger Bowls)

Not everything on the table is for eating. If you can’t tell the difference between the Christmas dinner and the centrepiece, stick to what is physically on your plate. And just because the hostess and her three sisters all fought over who was doing dessert, does not mean you need to sample each of their offerings.

4. Don’t Let the Cook Pull on the Rubber Gloves

This is a universal rule that should not be confined to Christmas. Remember that it is a shared holiday, which means everyone should have some down time. If the hostess is breathing like a whipped reindeer before the second course, roll up your sleeves and lend a hand.

5. Don’t Discuss New Years Resolutions – Especially While You Light Up a Cigarette and Lick the Egg Nog Bowl

Christmas Resolutions are about as meaningful as the jokes that come with the paper hats, particularly if you are in the process of indulging in a fair few of the Deadly Sins. And as you look back over the year, indulging in a bit of “coulda shoulda woulda” over the egg nog can also put a bit of a dampener on the festivities, so keep things light and positive. You’ve got all of January to wallow in your insecurities!

REMEMBER to take up the Christmas Scavenger Hunt Challenge and win yourself an iPod for Christmas!

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Tags: Christmas, etiquette, guests, holidays
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